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I don't trust her reassurances

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 April 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2010)
A male Australia age 41-50, *oul83 writes:

OK so my gf is a tour guide. The problem is that she meets a lot of guys that she keeps in contact with through msn etc.

It's making me feel very jealous. Just tonight she was chatting to one guy from Egypt and he was starting to get very suggestive about missing her etc. Sounded like a creep. The trouble is that she wanted to play along with it like it was a game... she's even sent him photos of herself. I feel like that's too much.

She took me aside and tried to reassure me that they are in another country and it's just being friendly. But I think it's being too friendly. I told her I'm not comfortable with that - but I am powerless to stop her from having net chat friends. I just get uncomfortable with her sending photos of her posing. OK if it's tourists photos I understand. But for individual photos I think it's over-stepping the line. If she wants to chat like she's single, then she should be single.

I don't know how best to approach this. I mean I can't stop her from having innocent overseas friendships. But I think it's over-stepping the line if she makes out she is single and lets them call her etc. To this end, I'm packing my bags and getting ready to move out...no amount of reassurances from her are working anymore.

So I would like to hear some thoughtful answers on dealing with this before I blow up and maybe make a mistake.

View related questions: jealous, msn

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A male reader, soul83 Australia +, writes (11 April 2010):

soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

My gf is a tour guide and meets a lot of male tourists. She keeps in contact with them after they go back to their countries - using MSN etc. The problem is that it makes me feel uncomfortable for her to be sending photos of herself to them and seemingly leading them on. They believe she is single and she lets them 'sweet talk' her. I hate that!

It makes me feel jealous and like she is emotionally cheating on me. I can't (and don't want to) stop harmless chatter between them. But it's the direction of the conversations and her sending photos of just herself that have me thinking about walking away.

Case in point, she went to the beach with her friend today and they took lots of photos. Now I think she wants to send some of those photos to the men. That I feel is disgusting and should stop. Not likely to happen though. I have no problem with her wanting to get nice photos of herself - nothing wrong with a young woman wanting that. It's how she plans to use them that has me so upset!

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A male reader, Myau New Zealand +, writes (11 April 2010):

Myau agony auntI hear you. She the flirty type.

I know several girls who say the most strong sexual things you will ever hear. Its just fun for them and doesnt mean anything really to them. I sometimes think its the only way they know how to talk to guys

But it does to you, I also would find it quite disrespectful aswell. In your shoes Id insist she stop flirting with all these men.

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A male reader, soul83 Australia +, writes (11 April 2010):

soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thankyou anonymous! I think she needs to decide on how she is handling it. She could see how jealous I got tonight. The ball is in her court to wake up and realise before it's too late.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010):

i can say that (ALMOST!) all girls love attention and to feel like there loved. These random people give her that assurance. i know this from experience. Try to, in the next few days, give her an extra supply of compliments, and show her all the time how much you love her.

if this doesnt work, ask her whats more impoprtant to her; you or these people. if she thinks your being stupid, maybe its time to get with somebody who can get their priorities straight.

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