A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Here is my story.I've been married for 24 years since the age of 17. My husband is a wonderful man, we have a beatiful 22 year old daughter who lives away. Sex life is almost non-existent. No one initiates it anymore, but when it happens it's good comfortable sex. We both sexually attractive people, in good shape, it's just being all this time together killed desire, I guess.There was never any adultery from my side, none that I know of from his until almost 2 years ago when he was away I met someone.I can say that I never felt like this with my husband. I was completely surprised to discover how much i actually like sex. We started seeing each other twice a month. He was involved with someone, but was constantly fighting with her and wanting to live.For me that worked out perfectly. I was the good one:sweet and easy to be with. The other woman was annoying and difficult.One thing that bothered me that this new relationship was nothing like the only one I had in my life with my husband. The guy never asked me out, even for coffee. Even when I told him after 4 months that I would really like him to take me out sometimes, he was avoiding it. I insisted few times and he took me out, but what woman would want this arrangements to constantly insist on being taking out.he told me that he had an affair with married woman once and they never went out. At one point I thought may be the guy is cheap, but no, when we went out he didn't seem cheap to me. Everything was great until it was our '1 year "anniversary", and I really wanted to do something special about it. So, I told him to go somewhere outside his house for a change and have couple drinks or dinner. he agreed at first and then when I came to pick him up, pretended like he doesn't remember anything, sat me on a couch, gave me a glass of wine"the ussual scenarium. That's when we had fight and I left. We didn't see each other for two months and then our paths crossed again and we started all over again.He finally broke up with his girlfriend, and started searching for a new one with all these online services . Finally he found a woman that he liked, and started new relationship with her. In a mean time he kept telling me how much he still want to continue seeing me. I went on a long trip and when I came back, i could see the changes in his behavour. he really didn't make attempts to see me that much. For the whole month we only saw each other once. When I asked him why it's happening he said he has to work around new girlfriends schedule, because she is a flight attendant. i asked him if he wants to continue seeing me, the answer was yes. Time goes by, I don't see him. I am trying to establish if we should go on, even asked him if may be we should stop for him to figure out what he wants to do. He says he doesn't want to loose me, and how much he likes me.Well, I couldn't stand waiting for his phone calls anymore, so I wrote hima a letter, saying that I can't be kept on a leash just in case it doesn't work out with his new woman. The final answer was that now he is trying to start something new and I want action. We are coming from different direction here and I am making it difficul for him to see me, because I need too much attention.What can I say. I feel very sad because I am pretty sure that's the end. Because of my social status he wasn't willing to act with me like with a single woman, as far as courting goes. I know I couldn't expect him to act like he is acting now with this girl, but at least few times a year he could treat me to something nice. I made it to easy for him to see me. And now this, I am put somewhere far on a back, the new girl of-course comes firstI don't think if I ever have an affair again I would let it last that long. WHEN YOU LET IT LAST THAT LONG YOU GETTING USED TO A PERSON, GETTING ATTACHED AND THAT'S NOT A GOOD SITUATION FOR SOMEONE WHO IS MARRIED.
View related questions:
affair, broke up, cheap, married woman, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): Thank you all for answering, really appreciate it.
Here are my comments.
I already made my desision, and I don't see the man anymore, and don't contact him.
It's very easy to say:leave your husband, you don't love him anymore. First of all I do love him. He is a great man and father. I don't see me living my life without him. He is a good companion and friend, we have developed the same hobbies, we travel a lot, he is a good provider and I have a very comfortable life.
There is no point to lead separate lives, we enjoy living together. How many people can say the same about their marriage?
It's true novelty wears off any relationship, so why to jump from one man to another making drastic desicions like breaking marriage only because I wanted some exitment in my life?I also was thinking about my husband having an affair, what my reaction would be. I don't even know if it ever happened with him, may be, we all humans. Would I leave him If I found out? I don't think so. If it was a fling, I probably would be upset but not to the point of leaving him.
I don't think I was used for sex by the guy. i enjoyed it also, remember?
I agree now with all of you that it was silly of me to expect him to treat me like a "real deal". This is the only relaionship I experienced in my life. I was always a 'real deal". I should realize from the very beginning it was not meant to happen with my guy. I should've just enjoy good sex, take it easy, leave the drama out. I did make it very difficult for him to keep seeing me. My emotions started to run wild at the end, and I lost control of myself. Well, what can I say, now I know how I can get when it comes to having an affair.
And he was really good about the whole thing. He never showed any desrespect, always very polite, pretty accurate with weekly phonecalls. I shouldn't have any complaints, and could stiil enjoy incredible sex.
I should have the same attitude as he had: a little pleasure on a side, but I wanted more. Well, thank you again for all the responces, really cleared a lot for me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I agree with the below poster. You should have broken off your marriage with your husband before you started anything new. It's clear you don't love him anymore. You're probably just sticking it out because of the security.
It's unfair on your husband if you keep him locked in a marriage, him being faithful while you're breaking the sanctities of marriage and having fun elsewhere. Your wasting time for him to find someone he can be with and that's truly selfish.
...............................
A
male
reader, ez4u2say +, writes (10 November 2008):
Im sorry I am old fashioned. You should have left your husband before hand. He used you and you used him, end of story. The new eventually wears off any relationship and what you have left is what matters companionship. Loyalty is a key ingredient in a good marriage. You feel like being married is just a word and not a lifestyle.It is obvious that he didn't want to be seen with you. Probably fear of your husband finding out and subconsciously knows that he can't have a relationship with you because your a cheater and you would eventually do the same to him.He also knows you have to be sleeping with your husband at some point also and this makes you look less desirable to him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Well, you allowed yourself to be used by him. That was the deal. You were married allowing yourself to be used for sex. Why should this guy take you out anywhere, he was dating other women, you were just sex. he dosen't need to be seen with you, there are alot of women who might recognize him, let alone anyone you know. There is no respect involved here...you're a business deal. Glass of wine a few fake laughs and clothes off...It is what it is. You're the one who got attatched. Put that effort into your marriage, it may change things. If not, if your miserable, divorce, free you both up to behave accordingly. THis guy made it clear, your on the side while he pursues his real deal. Being he's so aloof with you. sounds like he found himself a winner.
...............................
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (10 November 2008):
 I think you are making a mistake here.
Both of you love the incredible sex. But he just wants it on the side, while you want to develop this into a fully-fledged relationship. No wonder he wants to run away.
Enjoy the sexual side while you have it, but don't fall in love. Simple as that.
...............................
A
male
reader, Austinalive +, writes (9 November 2008):
Are you sure you're married? you sound like those adolescents that confuse sex with love. I suggest you to grow up.
...............................
|
