A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What would u do in this situation? I met this man a few wks ago and its been going good really getting to know each other. We havent slept together yet. Just kissing a cuddling. Anyway he went on a stag do last wk end to ansterdam. I didnt worry while he was there he text me lots saying he missed me and cant wait to see me when he gets back. When he got back it was great i said to him tell me bout it all.he say he had a great time and said got very drunk and got up on stage one nite! Me thinking just messing around in a nightclub. Anyway im noticingnow that hes very coy bout stuff. Not just that wk end in. general he never tells me stuff unless i ask. So i did. I said what actually happened on stage? And he said that the stag went missing so he acted as the stag. He went on stage at a strip club/sex show in just his pants and a girl with a marker pen shoved up her vaginal drew all over him and he had to get a banana out of some girls bum using his teeth! Im thinking that i dont like this and would i beable to trust him! He says babe dont be silly its a stag do and i didnt sleep with anyone. Normally i do try and pull on stag dos! Any other girl ive been with would mind me going on stage! Well it bothers me. I dont like things like that and if i stay with him and he goes on future stags dos i shall be wondering what hes doing! Is it me? Ive got feelings 4 him but dont think i could trust him!
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female
reader, patient66  +, writes (7 October 2009):
What he said to you sounds kinda like a warning.
I know you wouldnt be asking your question after 2 weeks if you are getting some kind of warning signals too.
If your gonna leave, leave now before to much is invested.
Good luck xoxo
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 October 2009):
Well he isn't doing all that much to reassure you, I have to say. And given his past history, I'd be worried too. Given that you're only a few weeks into this relationship, I'd say that unless you can trust him, you might need to move on. This really isn't a good start.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell im the orginal posted of this question and to add to this he has just told me now that he has slept with 75 woman b4 me. And he didnt seem bothered in telling me. Ive only slept with 2. I think me and him r from completely different worlds. I can only think bout all those women now. I would worry that hes a womaniser when im not around! And stag dos there is no way i could trust him. As he also said last nite that sleeping with someone on a stag do dont matter! And he will proberly pulling some girl at the bar! But then he says that he is joking.hes not like that anymore!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): I personally despise stag and hen nights.I think it just gives people a reason to cheat ! .It's disgusting and degrading. I'm sorry sweetheart, but i wouldn't trust this guy. Even though he didn't sleep with her, i still think the fact that he behaved the way he did is out of order. Find a guy who will love you and treat you with respect !. Even flirting verbally with another person is bad in my book, or flirting online,e.t.c, as well as flirting by physically touching someone !. I wish you the best of luck !.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (4 October 2009):
 Honestly, I would let it go. You haven't been dating long enough to claim exclusivity, and he probably didn't want to give you the dirty details because he had a feeling you'd spazz out. He didn't sleep with anyone, he had some raunchy fun but he didn't have sex or even kiss anyone. Plus he was honest with you and gave you all the dirty details when you did ask.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Well,I used to live in Amsterdam, and I think the place he is referring to is called "The Bananna Bar" At least it was when I was living there.Well I have a bit of news for you...as opposed to what people over here in the states consider a strip club, that place is a pure sex show. Ive been there myself before.The old bananna trick is an old one used there, but rarely does it lead to actual sex with a customer unless he pays off the top, and its pretty serious money to engage in sex there. But it does occur.
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A
female
reader, patient66 +, writes (3 October 2009):
The relationship is just starting out so even if you guys move on from it, will you be able to move on yourself from what happened?
It will always be there and if you cant trust him now after 2 weeks then it prob wont get much better.
Personally for me that would bother me too, there is a line that you dont cross. Try explaining that to him and be blunt about what you find is inappropriate because if you dont it may cause more trouble.
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A
female
reader, Scarlett Jones +, writes (3 October 2009):
 He should be allowed a bit of man time , messing about with the guys. But the way you said he can be quite sly and doesn't tell you the full story unless you ask makes me wonder whether he's very truthful to you. Think about this .. This was only once where he didn't tell you what really happened but think about all the other times there could have been . If i was you i would no longer stay in this relationship ..
1. He's untruthful
2. He's coy and sly
3. He thinks he can do all that to women whilst he has you sitting there worried at home !
Do what you think is right !! x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 October 2009):
Stag nights to get bad, but then so do hen nights. That's no excuse to behave as he did though. Sit him down and tell him you're hurting. Tell him why, tell him that you now feel insecure about it. If he listens and truly seems sorry, then you can learn to trust him. If, however, he is insenetive about it, then maybe you need to move on. However, try talking to him clearly at first. Hopefully he'll listen to you.
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