A
female
age
51-59,
*eb27
writes:I very recently found out my husband was having an affair at work. It has only been going for a couple of months.He said it began following the death of his dad late last year, things havent been ideal as far as the physical side for us for a while before this, and he said he felt lonely. I knew he was behaving diffently, but put this down to his being depressed and kept asking if he wanted to talk, but he kept pushing me away. Rather than force the issue, I thought it best to leave im alone with his thoughts.After confronting him, he assures me that it is now over. He says he is glad I found out as he thought he was getting in too deep and couldn't control the situation. He said he really wants to make things work between us and for us to get back to the way we were before things went stale.My biggest issue is that he works with this person. He holds a senior position, so just leaving is not an option. She has been off sick since he told her, but I know she will have to go back to work eventually,and dont know if I can handle things when I know he is seeing her again.I would be grateful of any advice.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 June 2010):
I'm with posts below. His excuse is a weak one. He could have come to you. He could have spoken to you. Instead he didn't, and this would have carried on if you hadn't found. And that's if it has stopped. You've been lied to and cheated on. You were there for him, but he wasn't interested. I'd check out of this marriage.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 It's highly predictable that Miss Work Place Fling will quit.
There's part of your problem, theoretically gone. When I've seen this in my own office staff, the quited party almost always quits.
The points that really jump out atme here are the far-too commonly predictable excuses for his conduct: while the death of a parent is certainly traumatic it is no excuse or reason for adultery. He felt lonely, so what? did he somehow just have a memory lapse that he was married to you and run off to hop in the sack with the first wiggling ass at work? Why didn't he seek you out rather than an office tart?
Perhaps you should be a little less understanding and cease making room for excusing his conduct? These guys always manage to turn the brush to paint themselves as a victim and it seems as though you're all too willing to help him do it.
Your biggest issue isn't the office trollop. It's the fact that your husband has taken advantage of your trust and understanding and cheated on you, playing you for the mindless little woman at home. How you handle things if he starts seeing her again is: you kick him out on his ass, that's how. Grab a pair, sister! This man is accountable for his actions and himself.
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