A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really stuck in this relationship i'm in. I have such an intense attraction to my boyfriend and i love him to pieces, but i don't think he is treating me right. I broke up with my Ex who loved me to pieces and treated me like i was a goddess, but i had fallen out of love with him and i found him boring and unattractive. I loved having someone to love and i loved how he treated me but i felt it was unfair to him. Now my current boyfriend doesn't treat me the same way. He never tells me how much he loves me. He never tells me he wants to be with me and is happy hes with me. He never compliments me or makes me feel special. He never texts me when im away from him. He always finds things to say that ruin any moment we have that is romantic and nice. He always tries to annoy me and it works. I find i argue with him alot.I really do love him. I went to bed the other night and i stood over him while he slept. i felt so much love for him because he wasnt doing or saying anything to offend me and he couldnt say anything to ruin the moment. i felt like this is how it should always be. this is what real love feels like instead of always been crowded over with negative emotions of some sort. its how i used to feel and i miss loving someone like that. I miss hearing them tell me how much i mean to them. I spoke to him alot we argue about it all the time that he never tells me things or makes me feel special. He says its my problem and i always have a problem with him (which is always the exact same one, that he never shows me affection like that).I want someone who i can love properly. who will love me properly. someone who i feel protects me walking down the street with me. Makes me feel wanted and appreciated. Someone who makes me feel like they are proud to be with me. I want someone to dote on me and look after me.He is perfect in every other way apart from how he treats me.. i know he loves me he just seems to have a problem with how he expresses himself. we've been together for about 2 years now. We have the exact same ambitions in life and the same interests which i love. I still have so much passion for him, but he doesnt seem to feel the same toward me.Is this a doomed relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): I have exactly the same problem with my boyfriend except he used to be affectionate and loving, i'm not sure that our relationship will go back how it used to be, we've been going out 2 and a half years awell but i don't feel like i can throw it all away. it feels like he's forgotten how to tell me he loves me. i don't think you can teach someone how to love, it time h might lear it for himself but don't let yourself be hurt by it.
A
male
reader, polarkite  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 You sound like a really nice person based on what you've said about how you dealt with your former bf.
The simple issue I see here is that if your bf doesn't treat you well, and you stay with him, over time it's going to reduce your level of self-confidence, and that's just not good!
I know it's hard but you gotta do what's best for you. Your bf sounds kind of emotionally inert, so it sounds like you are gonna have to make the moves, just as you've done before.
Anyway, good luck, I hope things work out well!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): Hey, I'm in the same boat right now, except it's my girlfriend that acts that way!
Well, we've talked about this, and unlike your boyfriend, luckily enough she recognizes/admits that she acts this way! She tells me that it's just her "way", the way she naturally is (which is not surprising in her case, because of a terribly unloving childhood and equally abusive first husband!). So I believe her: it's just the way she "works". We have moments of deep intimacy and real connection, and in my weaker moments that's when I have hope that she'll change, but then the next day she's back to being the same as before! However, I choose to love her anyway.
It's very frustrating, I know!, but I just had to make a conscious decision to keep loving her anyway! And that's what you have to decide too: you either accept him the way he is now, or find someone else. You can't expect him to change (it's possible, of course!, but you shouldn't expect him to change, it's not that easy). So when he says it's "your problem" he's actually right (although he could have put it more diplomatically!): you are having a problem with his behavior, he's not! He's happy with the way he is...so it's your decision to make.
No, your relationship is not necessarily "doomed", but you must decide whether to accept him, as he is, or not. You have control of your relationship's destiny!
Good luck in your decision!
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