A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here it is, been with my girlfriend for coming up to five years now, she has recently started talking to an old guy friend of hers, they never had a relationship but he liked her. I aren't usually too bad with my jealousy but this time feels different.She has been finishing work and spending at least 2 hours with him a night whenever she is at work. They are constantly texting each other and without fail he texts her at roughly 1am asking if shes asleep and no exaggeration this happens 6 days a week.I could actually deal with that cause hey guys and girls can be friends and not want to jump on eachother but he text her 3 weeks ago saying "do you want a shag" now she told me about it fair enough, told me it was a joke? I don't see the funny side so maybe my sense of humor isn't very good? He texts her a few inappropriate sexual things at least once a week but again it's always a joke and she tells him offAlthough I trust her that trust is beginning to fade because I do not see what she gets out of this 'friendship' with this other guy, and you cannot be friends with somebody who either you want to have sex with or they want to have sex with you. (unless your single ofc).Now it is starting to ruin our relationship which was amazing before he came along, I cannot control coming home in a mood cause I know who she has been with, her phone goes off I instantly become worried that it is him again..... I treat her like a princess so it's not that she is feeling neglected etc I just don't know what to do and have got a feeling she will give me an ultamatum tonight basically saying I accept how it is or leave - she has done this before and I said i could deal with it, obviously I can't.What do I do who is in the wrong here? Just to add she has plenty of friends and I have never been bothered about other people texting etc before
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female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 Hi,I have a boyfriend of 17 years that i adore, i also have a male bff. We do talk every day, i always know where he is and vice versa. We are very close, we do things together with my boyfriend or with a group. Often we are alone. It's platonic i adore my boyfriend and he's not jealous of him. My bff doesn't flirt with me that's the difference i think. At least she tells him to stop. I think she likes the attention she gets from him (cause i like the one i get from my bff) that doesn't mean she is interested. You really need to tell her how you feel. If my boyfriend would tell me to stop seing my bff it would be really really hard but he knows me well enough that i would never do anything and he's right. Also, my boyfriend knows that I like my bff and our relationship makes me happy so he wouldn't ask that. Good luck and you can write privately if you want ;-) Good luck!
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (13 January 2012):
I understand what you feel. I have gone through the same. My girlfriend had a couple of friends (male) when we started dating officially. She barely meet them except for one who she used to meet once a week. I didn't like that guy and we went through several fight about him. Until I found out that he used to be her friend with benefits, and that was it. She had to cut off contact with him. She didn't cheat on me, I know that, but I considered it was disrespecting towards me.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (13 January 2012):
I think if you developed this kind of "special" friendship with a female, she would`nt like it. Even still, I think she would still carry on with hers because being fair does`nt seem to be part of her character. Do you really want to continue with someone who belittles you? I am not convinced she is`nt cheating on you, or at the very least is about to. The old guy "friend" of hers is just as guilty as she is in showing you maximum disrespect. If you stay with her I see a lot of problems ahead.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): Just to add I am actually going to see for myself after work, I know exactly where they will be and maybe it's a bad thing to do or not it's time for some snooping. I think it is the respect thing that hurts me the most it's like my feelings don't matter as long as she get what she wants, well not anymore - it's going to be a rough night
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): Thanks for the replies so far, im glad im not losing the plot, she will not cut contact with him so that is not an option, if i mention anything like that im controlling, trying tell her what to do etc etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): I think he's way overstepping the friendship mark, and wants more. Your girlfriend should not encourage him as she's with you and must know he's going beyond friendship.
I would ask her to cut the contact, its not unreasonable especially when he's texting at 1am and is asking for a 'shag', for you to be uptight...Anyone would be annoyed to say the least.
I don't know what she gets out of it unless she's just wynding him up for fun
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): Go to his house and warn him. If she doesnt like it then dump her cheating ass.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 Hi,
I don't want to make you feel worst than you already feel, but to be honest they are a little too friendly to each other. I do agree with you that even though you are in a committed relationship, it's ok to have female and male friends, but texting 1am to ask if sleeping is a little unappropriated. You even said yourself that you never had this kind of problem before, but for some reason this feels different?... Well, all I have to say is: trust your gut feeling, usually is right... I have to agree with you also that I don't understand why your girlfriend is being so protective of her friendship with this guy? I've been through a similar situation and I ended a 10 years relationship/friendship, I say friendship because I trusted him with my life and he was to me my bestfriend. It's sad, but it's true. I know they are friends now, but this is how it begins... But hey, not all relationships are the same, and maybe they are just really good friends? Before you make any decision, make sure you are right about this....
Good luck/best wishes....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): I totally understand you. You have every right to be jealous. That "friendship" is disrespecting your relationship. Instead of her giving you an ultimatum, it should be YOU giving her an ultimatum. If she loves you, she should not tolerate this, she should not be spending THAT MUCH time, energy with that other guy especially if the guy obviously likes her. Out of respect for your relationship, the girl should be setting boundaries and what is happening now is very inappropriate. You have the right to be jealous, and if this does not improve soon, rethink your relationship.
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