A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ten months ago I met this girl who was just amazing. The only problem was that we had both just gotten out of serious relationships with people whom we thought we were going to marry. However we got along so great we ended up together and the sex was just amazing. The problem though is that we're long distance and over time we began to argue over it. She came down here though last week and things between us went really great. The moment she went back home though her friend told her he had feelings for her and ever since they've been dating and she is sooo happy. I dont' know what to do because it seems like it came out of no where, but she seems so happy and keeps telling me how she doesn't know if it's because of the distance between us or if because she just likes him more than she likes me. I don't know what to do........ because she still gives me hope by telling me how happy she was with me and how you never know how things will end up and that we haven't reached our end yet. What does this all mean? I don't see how I can compete with a friend who's known her for so long and is there for her when I'm not moving back until next year. WHat do I do
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male
reader, Crafter  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 Pff...
I read through HonningKanin's reply roughly, but to put it plain and simple:
GET RID OF HER, DUDE!
Get some dignity for crying out loud! How can you stand there and be humiliated by some girl?!
Tell her that you hope she finds happiness and then be on your way.
Do you really want to be with someone who'll leave you when the first opportunity strikes? What if Johny Depp comes by her house tomorrow? Geez...
Seriously - you can do a lot better than that.
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 Ok, what she is doing is called keeping all her options open. She is having her cake and eating it. She has your emotional side that keeps her feeling good as well as the tactile and physical presence of another guy. Two guys showing her lots of affection is a major ego boost. She is being lavished by your attention and she is drinking it all in whilst all she needs to do to continue your behavior is give you vague notions of "you never know." Thats girl code for "I am using you as a safetynet if things go wrong."What you need to do is realize she is pretty much playing you. She may in some obscure way still care, still like you and so on, but if she really did the distance wouldn't be an issue. My husband, when we first started out, was in Sweden and I in Northern Ireland. Thats pretty damn far away and we only saw eachother for a weekend every month and let me tell you the distance wouldn't be the thing that would have made me cut it off with him.I seems she is a tactile person and needs someone there to be with her and you are not there. She has obviously moved on with her life and you need to stop giving into her emotional needs by asking her if there is a chance. I give you the challange for a week to not initiate any conversation with her and if she starts it make sure you are the first to leave(this reminds her that you do not revolve your life around her and have one). Keep the conversation platonic, friendly but nuetral, aviod topics that will lead to what you two once had and keep your cool. After a week if she reacts by saying you got cold or if you are angry at her or that you have changed, this means she did not get what it was she wanted from you.GoodluckHonningKanin
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