A
female
age
41-50,
*aylee
writes:I need some adviceI am 32 years old and have just embarked on a new career after a period of unemployment and ill health. I have been with my partner for five years, we do not live together and when he stays with me for any period of time we argue. He finds his work stressful and the long hours mean that we have little in the way of a physical relationship. This makes me feel undesirable but he will not talk about it. I would love a family and a stable homelife but when I mention this he says that although he thinks that although he might like this too it is a long way off due to limited financial resources. He is generous and kind but the spark that encourages people to make these kind of plans together seem to be missing. He says that I should think of what I have at the moment and not plan for the future. I am scared that it will be too late for me to have children soon and I want to feel not just loved but also desired. Sometimes I think we should break up but I worry that because I have an illness I will not be able to contribute much to my grand plans and I am expecting too much of another to provide them. What should I do?Thank-you
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Personally I think you are stressing out too much.
I don't know what your illness is but you say that you have been out of the workplace and been ill for some time and right now I think you need to concentrate on keeping yourself well and happy.
If your partner is in a stressful job and he works long hours then his energy for sex can be understood. All women want to be loved and desired and if there is a lot of tension around you both when you attempt to spend any time together under one roof then having a baby with that person is not exactly a great idea.
You need to be able to live together properly to then bring a child into the equation.
Perhaps spending quality time outside of the home would be an idea, just fun time. We are never too old to act like kids you know but often men feel like it is not the done thing as they are an adult and they should act a certain way. Why not go and do some ten pin bowling or something - just enjoy each others company. If it is all work and NO play at all then things will be strained.
Perhaps planning a holiday away might be an idea even if it is for next year or something, think of it as the freedom before you tie yourself down with children.
Believe me you are not too old at 32 - I was in a long term relationship of 15 years before I fell pregnant with my daughter at 35 and this was spurred on by the fact that my dad got bowel cancer and I wanted him to see me with children and I also knew I was getting older.
My relationship did not survive after my daughter came into the equation and that is not her fault but I think a lot of the stress element changed the dynamics of my long term relationship which ended after 19/almost 20 years together. I wouldn't change a thing though as she is a healthy lovely 7 and a half year old and the apple of her mum's and dad's eye and has regular contact with her dad.
What I am saying to you is that if you feel like your relationship is NEVER going to change then just enjoy it for what it is right now and concentrate on keeping yourself well as a baby will take ALL your energy and more and you need to have support when you have a baby and if that is not a possibility in this relationship then you seriously have to consider what you truly want out of life, you are never too old totally to have children but if you are worried why not look into freezing your eggs but this can be costly and also the older you get your body won't perhaps nurture that baby as well as it could so perhaps set yourself a limit on how long you want to give this relationship a change but perhaps by taking away some of the pressure of babies and just enjoying one another you might find the relationship you NEED.
Have fun and see where it goes eh! Try to plan a trip away though and see if out of familiar territory brings a release of stress and strain and maybe more passion will come forth!! lol
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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