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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a very weird problem.My ex and I were strictly in no contact for several months and then he transferred to my school. I see him at least once if not twice a day (some days I've seen him 3-4). Things go back and forth from being painfully awkward to okay. He clams up and freezes around me usually, so usually it's him who cannot handle the contact.Since this was "his problem", everyone said "ignore him and move on." but it was hard with your past staring you in the face. We were each other's first serious relationships. My big problem is, when we don't talk, etc. I start to really, really miss him as a boyfriend. I was almost crying about it the other night I missed him so much. But then the next day, I got into a conversation with him and realized I don't miss him at all and that he's got a lot of issues with us and with himself. This seems to be a pattern. I will not talk to him, start to miss him, talk to him and then be disenchanted. Or even if I'm not missing him and we decide to talk, I find myself liking him in general significantly less. its not that he's ever rude to me, I just...don't see anything special about him when I'm with him.I don't know how to fix this. Yesterday he called me and we talked and I realized how much I DON'T miss him. And now today, I saw him and we didn't say anything to each other and I miss him. So it's like "no contact" is having the opposite effect on me.I want to be friends with him because i feel like this will cure the issue...but he seems to not be over "us" and needs time with more limited contact (as in he gets nervous when he sees me, needs to leave at events I am at, when I offered him friendship he said he wasn't ready, etc.). And people keep telling me to just stay away because it opens up old wounds...but it doesn't! Its the opposite!HELP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2005): Goodness, your letter had me going here. You miss him-you don't miss him. You and this guy are at a standoff. It's like you are both just playing an immature, hurtful game with each other's hearts, dear. And if you both need to play this game, then you both are not good for each other because when you love/like someone, you don't play mindgames-they're just plain disrespectful, painful to endure and very immature. End this relationship and grieve it. After a few months of mourning , you will recover and you will move on with your life. Leave him alone and allow him the space and time to recover as well. Your friends have good advice...listen to them, in the future. There-I said it..now do it. good luck
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female
reader, Topps +, writes (31 October 2005):
Not so weird a question really. You miss your friend and you are nostagligic for what you had. It seems he maybe hurting more than you, so be strong for him and leave him be, as much as poss, since you are in same school.
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