A
male
age
22-25,
*orge
writes:Hello friends and foes, just got some stuff to ask, as always.Now, no one really likes chores, just because it's work and work isn't fun. Call me a brat, or whatever, you're probably right.My dad recently has been over booking me with chores, and it's killing my energy, right before school. It started with the simple "go scoop dog doo" which as annoying as it is, I do it with no hassle. Next, same day, "mow the lawn" our lawn has five large fruit trees, and the backyard alone is 1/4 of an acre, which is too big.Our trees haven't been trimmed since we moved here 10 years ago, and because of that, the branches hang low, some only a foot or two off the ground, which is absolutely the most difficult task to mow under them, with our cruddy mower.Next, is "mow the garden." Our garden is dead. And has overgrown with 2 or even 3 foot tall grass, which is stuff for a weed eater. We have two, both of which are broken, and my dad refuses to get them fixed. These tasks were all done on Friday and Saturday.The end of Saturday, and my dad says "Go pick up apples off the ground." By far the most difficult and insanely frustrating chore to do, mostly because there's a little over 100+ apples under that tree, and it has the lowest branches.My argument to this was "Most of the fruit is under the branches, and there are wasps literally everywhere around them." Well, I was right, even though he said "they aren't under the tree, and I don't see anything flying around over there."So, against my wishes, I was forced to do it. I got stung a total of 7 times, and had to crouch under the branches for two hours straight. Thank God I'm not allergic to bees/wasps.After getting out from under the tree, it didn't even look like any progress was made at all.After going inside I told my dad "I don't want to do anymore." He replied with "well, you're doing more tomorrow, right?" And my answer was a blunt "no." He repeated, while pulling $5 from his shirt pocket "you're gonna do some more tomorrow, right?" I said "no, it's not worth it." I took the money, which he did owe me previously.Now it's about 11:50 at night, and I'm too tired to sleep. I have school on Monday, and I'm writing this on Saturday night.He's overwhelming me at the last minute, and it's pushing me really far, much further than is comfortable.Anyone know what to do about this? How to reply to him, or to state the fact that I refuse to deal with the apples? Being stung 7 times and on my knees for 2 hours is not worth $5. Barely worth $10.I need help with this, it's driving me nuts.Thanks,-Førg€-PS: if I tell him "this is too much" he'll just mock me and make me go do it anyway. If I tell my mom, it'll be the same response. If I completely refuse to worm altogether, I get punished.
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reader, Lonely 81  +, writes (27 August 2014):
Ok, I am back to soften my stand. I should have said in my first post that I come from a farming background and that my father died when I was 12. This has ment that I do think you are lucky to have both parents a home and food on the table. For many years we didn't have enough to eat and we certainty didn't get pocket money, EVER! But it did teach me to be resourceful and to be proud of a "job well done". The other point is that it IS Your home and if you can help to make it better you should. This should be pretty high on your list of things to do but your school should come first.I do however have a 13 yr old daughter and she does love to debate me regularly. This doesn't make her a brat, it makes her a teenager. Just like you. It is natural for you to disagree and "rebel" against your parents wishes. This is your time to find out who you are. What you like, dislike, believe in ect.. And the first and safest place to start that is with your parents. If you would like something different then go to your parents with some ideas and debate them. You won't get far just saying no, but try coming up with some different ideas.Also note, I firmly believe that your parents love you and want what is best for you but it is not their job to let you do what you want. It is thier job to get you ready for the day you step out on your own.Best wishes, I hope you can find something useful in this.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (25 August 2014):
 Hi, as a kid we all are expected to do some chores. I also had to do my fair share and like you did not feel the money was worth it and hated doing the work. As long as we live under our parents roof we have no choice but to help out and no the grass is not greener on the outside. I would get the work done first thing in the morning and then I am free for the rest of the day.
Like you said no point complaining because you will still end up doing the work and might not even get paid. So accept the responsibility and just make sure you stay out of sight at home so they then don't give you more work as you are now free. Hey I was a kid too and know how it felt.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 August 2014):
 Oooops, I forgot to tell you... that the time I spent operating the dairy, with my Father, was some of the greatest years of my life. I learned - from him - that hard work is not only gratifying.... but that there is a special reward that you get from a job "well done"....
What I did as a kid was the springboard that allowed me to go to college, and have a wonderful career... where - incidentally - just about every day, at work, was "fun"... because I knew that it was what I should do... and gave me great reward... both financial, and spiritual....
Work hard... and be glad that your Dad is trying to instill you with a hardy work ethic...
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 August 2014):
You write: "...Now, no one really likes chores, just because it's work and work isn't fun. Call me a brat, or whatever, you're probably right."
WHO told you that "no one really likes chores " ...and "work isn't fun?"
When I was your age, my family business was dairy... and, by age 14, I could assemble, dis-assemble and operate the dairy.... all the equipment..... and, on days that we did not process milk, I had to help on a delivery route.
Don't look for much sympathy from this Uncle. In my mind, the only place to find sympathy is in the dictionary,... between "shit" and "syphillis"....
Good luck...
P.S. Yes, you are being a brat....
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): Your dad works to pay the bills. He has to get up and go; even when he's tired, sick, or doesn't really feel like it.
Your mom may work also; even if she is a stay at home mom, she does the same. Pickup after two guys, make meals, clean house, do laundry, run errands, and have meals ready by the time everyone is home from school and work. Every single day. If she works, she does all of the above and then some. They have a hard-time seeing your point. You had most of the summer to goof-off; so now they asked for your help "at the last minute." It wasn't all summer, just lately.
They are teaching you a work-ethic, and everybody must pitch-in. They didn't send you to get stung, they sent you to do something productive with your time; and keep you out of trouble. Perhaps to get you outdoors in the fresh air.
Sorry about the stings. They are a work-hazard during the summer. I see little old ladies and old guys working in their gardens doing the same thing. I've also seen kids younger than you, working in fields picking fruit and vegetables. They know how to avoid the wasps and bees. If you see and hear them; avoid them by staying out of their way. Wear long-sleeves, a cap, and long jeans. You can even wear work-gloves to protect your hands. The property I grew up on was twice or three times the size you describe. With peach trees, pear-trees, fig trees, lemon trees, apricots, apples, and berry bushes. They didn't take care of themselves. My parents put us to work. Girls and boys!
It wasn't even a farm, but it was huge. We all cut the grass, pulled weeds, aerated the flower beds, picked up trash, ripe fruit (before it hit the ground), raked leaves, and trimmed hedges. I was only eight when I started doing outside chores. I didn't always feel like it, but I got it over with. I complained too, they didn't pay any attention; unless I was injured, or they thought the sun was too hot. They were watching us the whole time. I'm sure yours are too.
I got no allowance for doing it. The birthday presents and Christmas gifts were more than I could ever imagine. It all paid off. I didn't like chores either. I did get to goof-off a lot, and got away with sleeping late when there was no school. All summer, accept on Sundays. Up early, off to Sunday School, then Catholic Mass. I hated getting up early. Now I have to. I don't mind working, and I love to work in the yard.
Summer is almost over, your chores will change, and you'll be in school with little else to do. They may as well get some work out of you while they can. Just do as you're told.
Save the money. He didn't really have to give to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): I understand where you're coming from. Yes, you should be grateful you have a house and you have food and clothes - but those are necessities that your parents should give you when they brought you into this world. If parents can't provide their children with clothes, shelter, and food - they shouldn't have children. As simple as that. There's a difference b/w being grateful and being told you have to repay your parents for providing you with the bare minimum of life. You didn't choose to be born. Getting stung by wasps is a danger to your well-being. You shouldn't have to subject yourself to that. Are you able to exchange outdoor work for in-door chores? Such as laundry and dishes or are those only for your mother to do? Contrary to what Lonely 81 said, you shouldn't feel that your complaints are petty. Don't let people on here invalidate your experience and concerns. Everyone is different. They react and respond to stress differently. In addition, it's not like you own this house. Your parents do. It's their responsibility to tidy the property, not you. Of course, if you make a mess, it's your own mess to clean up. But, given that they dictate much of your life and free time, I can empathize why it's unfair that (1) your have to live under their rules while at the same time (2) feel obligated that it's your duty to thank them for everything and repay them. If they gave you more freedom, then you should help around the house on your own accord as a thank you. But, saying "You should be grateful. No one pays you to maintain your house" is a lousy statement. Because, you don't own the house and even though your parents put a roof over your head doesn't mean you owe them a million thanks. Once you purchase your own house, of your own choosing, and are living under your own terms, then you take care of your house without thinking you are owed something in return. I have a question: how much time do you have to focus on school? Are you able to enroll in extracurricular activities or are you mandated to be home in order to help out? Your education is more important than helping around the house. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but did your parents have you just so they could put you to work? I hope not. That's an awful reason to have children in the 21st century depending on where you live (although throughout history, families did have children in order to have more hands working the farm). I don't know what advice I can give you. I would try to bargain the amount of chores, but I doubt your parents will sincerely listen to you without being dismissive. Maybe bringing up school and study time could convince them. Perhaps you can get a part-time job, start saving up your own money. Strive for that autonomy.
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A
female
reader, Lonely 81 +, writes (24 August 2014):
?? Really, the only way to avoid helping out around the house is to not have 1 ?? Houses need to be looked after & apples need to be picked up! If you don't like picking up 100+ apples at once then don't let that many build up. Do it once a week instead, it would take 10min. If you don't like mowing or apple picking under low branches, look up how to prune them and Do it! & if you don't like getting stung by wasps, remove them before you crawl under there (I am sure your parents would teach you how).
The idea that you where too tired to sleep is laughable! My kids Work daylight to dark on the farm with us most weekends and they sleep great! The only time they have trouble sleeping is when they haven't been outside doing something. And just so you know, they get paid $0. But they are rewarded with the great freedoms they have & the pride that comes with a job well done! In the adult world, no one will ever pay you for working around your own home, so be greatful for what you get & if you want more, work harder.
Be thankful you have a home, that you are feed and clothed, and both of your parents and that they care enough to teach you to be house proud.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): I see that you post to this site often and that's great because we are here to help, but it seems like you may need a more one-on-one counselling or have a buddy/mentor a little older than you whom you can call upon in real life when you feel stuck in situations?
If possible, see your doctor and ask what they recommend, or look online for local buddy/mentor/support groups. This is too difficult for me to comment on without knowing the rest of your family's dynamic.
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