A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is SO long and I apologise :/My boyfriend had been making me miserable for quite a few weeks by like just doing things like calling 31 times a week, but then when i did talk to him not pay attention to what im talking about, talking constantly about his ex girlfriends, actually once he called his ex girlfriend his current girlfriend which realy got to me. He was so selfish and self centred it was hard to bear when all i wanted to to pleas him and yet it wasn't enough. he was so clingy and insecure but i didnt say anything because i didnt want to make him upset and I wanted to be with him even though i was so miserable and feeling trapped. I came so closeto breaking up with him but i thought against it because I wanted to wipe the slate clean and give it another go. Jump forward a couple of days:I help out at Girl Guides and I was arranging a party for 45 children and the other helpers hadn't pulled their weight and had left me to do almost all of it. at that point i hadnt seen my boyfriend in about 3 weeks but my friends persuaded me see him at starbucks, and i must say that my attention wasnt completely on him because i was trying to ring people and find out what was going on and i was so stressed it was unbelievable. My friends and boyfriends agreed to come back to my house and help me pack and set up the hall. Even though i hadn't seen him in a while, everything seemed lovely, and he even bought me a flower.we got back to my house and i sorted a few things out, then i got hold of nors mum and everything got sorted out so i didnt need them anymore, I didnt want to kick them out so they stayed at my house for a bit and then were like, we dont want to keep you so well go.my boyfriend was like, cant I stay a bit longer? I was like look, im really sorry but i need to do things, and my parents are home and its all a bit weird D:so they left and at the party i just texted joe like normal thinking everything was fine.THENhe texted me on saturday I think... going, we need to talk about friday. I was like, what do you mean friday? And he went; the fact that i havent seen you for 3 weeks and then you just kick me out of your house when we could have just had 20 minutes together.-' im sorry, but you knew i had things to do and stuff to organise, and i just dont have that relationship with my parents where id feel comfortable being alone with you in the house'- i think we have different expectations for this relationship- i love you, you idiot, and it makes me really upset and angry when things that are caused by outside circumstances make you think i dont want to be with you or a load of crap like that-ok. im going to ring you in a bit and you have to promise to hear me out, ok?i swear the term 'hear me out' means this is my opinion and we will have a discussion.No. basically he just rung me up and was like, i think we should see other people. Basically he was like, im used to seeing my girlfriends more broke up with me because i my life didnt revolve around him and i couldnt see him as much as he wanted. his expectation was that i should spend all of my time and attention on him, where my SELFISH expectation was that i thought hed respect that i have a life outside his little world.I then reeled off everthing he had ever done to make me feel upset or angry and miserable, and believe me it was a long list, and how i didn't mention aything becuase i didn;t want to make him upset. the he then tried to turn it on me saying, 'Well, thats another thing where i think were different, i'd want to know these things' like it was all my fault and that he was completely blamless. I just went 'if your not going to change your mind, id rather not drag on this conversation, goodbye'He hasn't finished.well, at least he had the common decency to wait 30 minutes before changing his relationship status. :|and then on that status say that 'it just wasnt working out' No, it was all you and your selfish 'everyones lives must revolve around me' attitude to life and your neurotisisms that wasnt working out. then my friend posted this on his wall:'I try to be as unbiased as possible when it comes to friends relationship but what youve done to samie is really harsh :/you know if you liked samie enough to want to see her more, you shouldda waited until she had more free time, not just ended it.I really hope you apologise to her because she didnt do anything to deserve being broken up with.Oh, and to say 'it just wasnt working' seems a little unfair, you could have tried to fix it you know.I wish you luck trying to find someone as lovely as Samie in the future'that post was on his wall for about 2 seconds before he deleted it. Coward. Hopefully a guilty coward.He cant even face up to the fact that he was an unreasonable, selfish and spoilt ..., just because he didnt get his way. Then I saw pictures of my friends birthday party which i wasnt able to go to and for some strange reason he was at the party, which was just a couple of hours after we had broken up.So lovely! the fact that he broke up with me before a drunken night out really shows that he cared about me, eh? And i bet he didnt even show any remorse for what he did becuase in the pictures he's having a whale of a time. he is bloody lucky i didnt go to that party because he may have left a little bit injured.So pretty much he bought me a flower, told me he loved me, then broke up with me the next day because he couldnt have his way and then rubbed the betrayal in my face.I hate him. I have no space in my life for someone like that and yet I still don't feel at peace with myself.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, myfairdiva  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 First of all, chill. This is still very recent, so of course you feel this way. Angry and betrayed.
With all of what you wrote, you let a lot of steam off, and that is good. We're here to listen (read) so no need to apologize about the extension of the letter.
You sound like a really nice girl, and what he did is a typical guy behaviour, not deserving of you, of course. What you did is nothing wrong, you have your life, and in the end, that is what guys look for in girls. Someone unique, with a personality, with things that she cares about.
Your analysis about him is just right, selfishness. Probably he was angry about not seeing you so much, after all, 3 weeks IS a long time, he missed you, I give him that.
With that in mind, imagine all the things he thought, all the movies played in his mind about not seeing you, I don't know if you still talked on the phone during that period, but if there weren't any contact maybe it was driving him mad too.
His decision was harsh, and you deserve a lot better. Odds are, he will come back and ask you out again. It's up to you to go through this again, or finally fix things.
Good luck,
xx
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