A
female
age
41-50,
*pumie
writes:Hi all. I've dated my boyfriend for 6 years, the 1st 3 years was a hell as he was cheating on me an I wasn't aware until I found out he had a child with someone else. It was hard then cause I was head over heels for him so I forgave him. Recently I've just lost the connection I don't love the way I used to. My problem is we've bought a house together and the house has been approved and he is looking forward to it with his whole heart and at the same he can see through me that I'm no longer in love there way I used to. He is in denying the fact that he won't be able to pay the bond alone. If I can say let's quit he will probably kill. He told me that he doesn't have any room for dissapointment. I just don't know what to say or do I'm stuck. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Yes, we do understand the pain. We have all been through one thing or another and that is why we try to help. I am hoping that he does not have the potential of being violent towards you. You are kind of worrying me by what you say that you have to be good for the time being...or he would kill you. I am not taking you literally on that, but I just hope he would not be so mad he would harm you in any way.
A
female
reader, mpumie +, writes (15 July 2012):
mpumie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks ladies!to bondgirl I was thinking maybe if I focus on the future as I'm 32 years maybe I will learn to forgive an forget. We've applied for that house in february this year an we were so lucky it was approved. But as time go by I feel like I made a wrong decision cause when I look at it, there is no love for him anymore an when I think of living with him I only see failure. We are not met for each other I only see the worst in him. Before I didn't care about how short he is, sexually he sucks and financially he can't do anything. Its so boring to have a man who can't even spoil you for just once. He just loved to be spoiled and doesn't feel ashamed, as he is a man. The thought of him and what he did to me. I was okay before but now I just can't. Even his mom doesn't like me. And would tell me that his mom comes first. I'm so enough of him. Ill wait until we move into that house and if its possible I will sell it after plus or minus 3 months so that when I live it won't a matter of living him aware. Ill play miss good cause if I can show him the signs he will probably kill me. I saw him before when we fight he broke the dressing table with the mirror and he told me that next time it would be me at that he wanted to break the television he stopped when he saw tears on my eyes. Its very hard an I hope you understand the pain I going through. I didn't know that I was putting myself into trouble!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 July 2012):
 The house isn't bought yet, so tell him now. Get out while you can, so to speak.
I'm sorry that he will be disappointed in not getting the house, but you know what? He should have thought about that when he made a child with someone else.
Now if you DO help sign for the loan and get the house you ARE way more STUCK with this guy then you are now.
Don't buy it. End it and get out.
I don't know why you think you OWE him anything.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (15 July 2012):
You don't agree to buy a house with someone with whom you are not in love with anymore. If you've signed the papers, you are legally bound to help pay for it. This is what happens when we are not honest with ourselves and others. The only suggestion I have is to live in the same house, but live separate lives. Or, like Janniepeg said, turn around and sell the house. It's time for you to start being honest with people and getting yourself out of messes instead of getting yourself in them.
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A
female
reader, mpumie +, writes (15 July 2012):
mpumie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks janniepeg. Ill wait until we move into the house cause I'm sure he won't be able to pay it he earns R3800 and I earn R7500 an the bank suggested it must deducted on my account then he do a transfer of R1800 into my account. Imagine water an lights, the municipality fees worse part the two children from different woman. I just wish it would be possible to sell that house cause at least then he won't see it as if its my fault to leave that way. I'm 100 percent sure if I leave him now he will kill me for that so I'm thinking of a plan on how to leave him unaware.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Can you sell the house right away afterwards? Then you can split the money and get something smaller for yourself.
Also think if the relationship is salvageable. What are his redeeming qualities? What would you miss most about him? What are the things that he has that other men don't. Give yourself a trial separation. If after months to a year you can't find anyone better then your head is cleared and you can then try going back to him.
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