A
female
age
30-35,
*oey93
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year now but I still haven't orgasmed during sex (at least I don't think I have...) He is my first boyfriend and before being with him I was a virgin. After speaking to most of my girlfriends, they all go on about 'how can I expect to know what I like/orgasm unless I masturbate and find out what I like'. But there's problem, I've never felt the need to masturbate and don't really like the idea of it. I've tried before but just can't seem to find pleasure in it and just feel stupid. This is another problem as my boyfriend has expressed before how he would like it if I would masturbate in front of him....Help! How do I relax and find out the benefits of masturbation and finally reach orgasm with my boyfriend?!
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female
reader, Joey93 +, writes (6 January 2015):
Joey93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyone's advice, I guess at the bottom of it all, that is the problem that I've never 100% been happy with the way I look, I'm not the skinniest of women by a long way and I'm only just about getting used to the idea of someone finding me attractive and sexy.
As well as that I'm also new to sex and all things in that area, I don't feel pressured by him to do anything, he's been so lovely and patient with me and its been fun trying new things and exploring but I guess I just need to not feel too stressed out about trying to orgasm and hopefully it will happen naturally too! Same goes for the masturbation...I guess some things just take time :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2015): I agree with thr others that it will only work if you do it because YOU want to explore yourself. Start looking at yourself in the mirror. Notice the parts of you that you find attractive. Get comfortable with the idea of being an attractive lovable woman. Don't rub yourself raw until it hurts in a quest for the big Ô. Instead, spend a little time each time you are in the mood caressing yourself without necessarily aiming for orgasm. Like before falling asleep stroke, caress, rub or just leave your hand relaxed on your womanhood as you fall asleep. Again, the aim is to get comfortable enough so that you don't feel stupid when you touch yourself. Parallel to this, watch those movies that get you excited or read those naughty books that are not pornongraphic but are nevertheless suggestive. Hopefully with these 2 approaches you will a) get comfortable with the idea of being a sexual being b) get turned on enough to experiment at your own pace with no pressure
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (5 January 2015):
I agree with Uncle PJ. Don't do anything you don't want to do.
It takes time for some women to actually feel comfortable about these things.
Even i took my own time to do so.
But if you want to feel that pleasure for yourself, try noticing your body more often and appreciating it. You need to be comfortable to do that
good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 January 2015):
 I would suggest you "do it yourself" first. And IF you figure out to get yourself off this way, it's up to you if you WANT to share that with your BF.
You say you don't like the idea of masturbation. You think it's shameful? You don't like touching yourself at all?
I think everyone (of a certain age) should KNOW their own bodies. That includes how to orgasm. There is nothing DIRTY or BAD about it. But, if it makes you feel stupid it's NOT going to be a positive experience.
Also if you DO try, READ up on clitoral orgasm, not all the other "fancy" ones.
Do you otherwise ENJOY sex with your BF?
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (5 January 2015):
 I'm in the same boat; I find masturbation pointless (for me), so you can tell your boyfriend how you feel (which you should be able to do, since you have sex with him) or you can try it with him and, if you still don't like it, at least you tried.
Don't do it if you really don't want to, but I think you should be open with him about it.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ +, writes (5 January 2015):
 Firstly, don't ever do anything that you are uncomfortable doing just because someone asks you to do it, no matter how you feel about them. If they respected you in the way they should, they shouldn't pressure you in to doing something you're not okay with. It would seem that your boyfriend has seen a lot of porn with women pleasuring themselves and is wanting this to become a reality.
With sex and porn apparently becoming the norm, it is 'expected' that girls act like porn stars and will be as happy to explore themselves as guys seemingly are. But it really shouldn't be expected.
There isn't anything wrong with you exploring yourself sexually or experimenting either with yourself or with toys. But if you are not comfortable doing so then it is okay. There are plenty of girls who don't touch themselves or find any pleasure exploring themselves and that's fine.
There is also nothing wrong with not being able to orgasm during sex, in fact it is more common that females don't orgasm during sexual intercourse. Being male, I can't comment on what an orgasm feels like, but I'm sure that you'd know what it feels like if you have it. You and your boyfriend need to discuss ways to experiment sexually in a way you are both comfortable with, you need your boyfriend to try and pleasure you in order for you to maybe climax.
But also don't feel pressured to climax. If you put too much on yourself or think about it too much you'll prevent yourself from enjoying it or even climaxing at any point because you're concentrating on it too much.
I hope this helps and I really hopes it helps to make you feel less pressured because from your message it seems that you're feeling extremely pressured in to trying to do things you're perhaps not comfortable/confident with or maybe even ready for. But that is okay, you really don't have to be.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 January 2015):
Just do it knowing he'll find it sexy. All of a sudden it'll feel good.
I was the same way as you, never masturbated until I started having sex.The girl I was with wanted to do it together and I guess I enjoyed it.
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