A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, My mom has me and my best friend dating but I don't love him the same way he loves me. He's sending me money and stuff but I have feelings for another person and I'm clueless on what to do. How do I tell the boy i have feelings for i like him and how do i break up with my boyfriend without hurting his feelings?
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male
reader, Gmelin8 +, writes (14 February 2020):
Misleading him is inappropriate and cruel. Ask you Mom to approve of the boy you want to date. Maybe your Mom sees a problem you don't see.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2020): Who cares about hurting his feelings? Why in the world is your mother picking out who you date? If your mom has a problem tell her to date him.How old is he compared to you? Is your mother like selling you to him? That is called human trafficking and is so illegal.Thank gosh you realize this relationship with a grown man is not ok. You should be the only one picking out who you date...not your mom.Please though hold off on dating until you get more education and life skills......because you really really need that big time.You will have plenty of time to date on the future.What is wrong with your mom?I am a grandma and never ever once have I told any of my three children who to date.This is very strange of your mom.I am not really worried about you breaking it off with him...You will.What I am worried about is your mother picking your men.....no way no how should this ever happen again.My heart hopes you are ok and do well.This whole story upsets me....It feels to me like mom is selling you.If you are afraid of her reaction to this...get help tell someone this is not normal at all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 February 2020):
 I agree with Cindy,
We need more info.
Who is this guy that you call "your best friend" ?
Someone you met Online?
Why is he sending you money?
And why is your MOM of all people pushing you to date him?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (12 February 2020):
 I'll wait for more details too. The only thing I will say is that, after breaking up with someone or rejecting them, you should wait a month or so (particularly when you're young) before trying to confess feelings or date anyone else.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 February 2020):
 I think we'd like to have more details , if possible. As it is, that's a strange story. Like, why is your mom so keen of you dating this guy ? What's so special in him ? generally speaking- moms of teenagers are not so enthusiastic of seeing their daughters date , because of various factors ( risk of unplanned pregnancy, time subtracted to study and chores, more demands for freedom / privileges , general gloom and doomm atmosphere at home if the two lovebirds argue… ) and they just barely tolerate it because , at the end of the day, if a girl wants to date there's not much you can do to stop her , other than keeping her under lock and key. But actively pushing for and promoting a suitor , whom the teenager does not even like … why ?
It won't be because of the money, I hope ?... But, which mmoney, and whose money anyway ? If he is a boy in your age range ( so probably still in school , no income ) how come he's even got money for other than his daily expenses ? How much money are we talking about ? And why is he " sending " it to you, don't you live in the same place ? If you are long distance-, then how come you call him your best friend, and how did your mom come to know him so well to want him as your bf ? …
Anyway: yes, of course you will be " hurting his feelings ". A little, at least. It is expected. It is normal. If he loves you, and you don't love him, and you dump him- well, he can't be dancing in joy, can he ? But - you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, and some eggs-breaking ( or heart-breaking ) is part and parcel of dating / being in relationships , particularly at your age. It's a trial and error thing , until, with a bit of luck, one finds the relationship that's just the right fit for him/ her. In time, he'll get over and move on. And understand that it is for the best , because so he can find a woman who appreciates him and love him , as you instead cannot do ( not that it is your fault ).
Just a little honesty, and a little guts. You do not need to be nasty or harsh. But you need to be firm. Tell him you realized that you are not happy in this relationship and that you cannot make him happy, and let him free.
As for the new guy… I don't think I know enough to give advice. Generally, I 'd say : why do you have to declare your feelings ? yes, of course in this day and age women can take the initiative in love, and do not have to wait to be pursued… but I have noticed, partricularly in Young girls your age, a tendency to jump the gun, and to ket oneself develop " feelings "... before even barely knowing the guy. Not even knowing, for instance, if he is single or taken. Or if he is gay. Or, for whatever reason right now he cannot / does not want to date anybody. … In conclusion, while I don't know enough about your situataion to tell you " Oh no, don't tell him anything, let him pursue you " because that 's not an etched - in-granite rule… in general, a little patience pays off. Don't be in a rush,.. try to befriend him, or at least to be friendly, sunny, smiling…. and see if he comes to you before you make a full love declaration !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2020): First you refuse to take his money. Then you must be honest and tell him you don't like him that way. There is no nice way to reject somebody; but there is an honest and merciful way to do it. He knows you don't like him that way, that's the reason he's bribing you with money.
Tell your mother he's your friend; and you don't feel comfortable that she's forcing you to be his girlfriend.
If she insists on forcing you to do it; I guess you'll have to be the typical-teenager, and refuse. I truly doubt that you'll do everything your mother tells you to do, no matter what. You might need to make clones of yourself for other parents! Totally obedient-teenagers hardly exist! Just teasing!
If this boyfriend happens to be an adult, and you are being forced to be with him as the previous anonymous poster suggests; then tell an adult family-member, or your counselor at school. I think you would have said so, if that was the case. I'm not getting that here.
Now is the time to learn how to set boundaries and be honest with people. You don't have to be cold and nasty about it. Just tell the truth.
Why is it easier to be deceitful by playing him along, than to tell him the truth? Why would your mother force somebody on you that you don't like that way? What details are you leaving-out here, my dear?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2020): Something is way off here! Your age indicates that you are still a child. The fact that said bf is sending you money, indicates that he is not local, to you, and if so, then in fact you are not dating him. If either you or your mother are making promises to your alleged bf, for the sake of reeling him in, that is very wrong, and quite possibly illegal. If this is an internet relationship, it is dangerous to be taking money from a guy, who may at anytime begin to feel used and cheated, and who may turn out to be a psycho who comes after you for payback! It is also a bit odd that your alleged best friend, is not a child at your school. Also, if per chance this bff goes to another high school, why would a kid be sending money to another kid? If I am wrong about everything, then please post again with much more info, in order to expand and clarify things for me and the other Aunts and Uncles. OP, please be safe and take care! Best Wishes to you!
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