A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and i have been going out for 9 months now and I never liked drinking but she likes getting "drunk" with her friends in miami every new years. She has said in the past that she has blacked out 3 times from drinking too much and I don't want her to get drunk this new years knowing i can't be there incase something happens to her. She is really unhappy with this request saying i don't trust her. I don't know all her friends in miami but I do know she would never Knowingly betray me. I know that one of her close cousins will be there too. But I still don't like her getting that close to blacking out. What should i do because she only gets unhappier when i persist on it and i don't want her to be unhappy. Am I wrong to ask her this? or is she wrong to want to get drunk and risk her self so much when she knows i care about her that much?We can usually make compromises on everything but I don't know what to do here. This is the only major problem we've had.
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male
reader, Love-Actually +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Sounds like you're in a serious relationship so maybe it's not that you're worried about her cheating and that should be made clear to her... Every year 150,000 people die from alcohol consumption and that's not including the people that die from car accidents or good ol' fashioned drunken foolishness... Plus when people are in an environment of multitudes of drunks, violence tends to follow close behind... This could be in the form of fights or God forbid, rape... It's just not really a responsible behavior for someone in a committed relationship when their partner isn't around... It may sound paranoid but I know of many people that have fallen victim to each of these scenarios.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I understand why you are worried - just check out 'college party usa' on google and you can see the kind of things that happen, or so it seems, when American teens/20-somethings get together and get drunk ... there seems to be a culture of not just having a couple of glasses, but drinking until you literally pass out, or until you have no idea what you are doing (until it shows up on the net the next day ...).
I think she should understand. I think it isn't that you don't trust her - it is that you are worried for how vulnerable she could be if she drinks too much by accident. Is there no way you can be with her on new year's eve? I think that would be the best solution.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Neither of you are wrong!
You are just two very different people, coming together but NOT with the same ideas on life, fun etc.
You are chalk and cheese, that being as an expression meaning opposites, and I you can try all you like, research, find stats on drinking, blacking out..none will make any difference whatsoever. And why shouldn't you want a girlfriend who doesn't want to do these things, the problem is it's NOT HER!
May be you need to re-evaluate if this girl really is the one you want to spend watching and wondering if she's blacked out somewhere on alcohol, or find someone more like yourself with similar aspirations.
You cannot force a round peg into a square hole, and all the suggestions here thus far..are indicating that, try to do this, try that, talk to her about you don't mind her having fun, but you're worried about her blacking out - it's ALL words, and my guess is she won't change, this is her personality what she likes doing.
Just another viewpoint to ponder!
I'm with you on this one though..good luck!
Jilly
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I hear you , my friend. When I came to the States , and I was asked " do you drink ", I answered,naively , yes, sure, why not. But in my culture and environment ,"drink" means a glass of white wine ,maybe two, with dinner. I had never seen, or heard of, any people passing out or blacking out from drinking. And a woman ? Unthinkable.
I was shocked at first to see what spectacle people - "nice" people with good manners and good education - could make of themselves at parties - "nice" parties. It was so frigging unbelievable that I can't even think of what happens to "wild " parties.
All this to say that I totally understand your worry and discomfort.
Said that ,tough, like Dirtball says, she is right too.
Well, maybe she is not quite right, but I mean : you did not mention her being an alcoholic or driving under the influence or having drinking problems, I assume during the year she does not drink or she drinks in moderation. So, she just wants to let her hair down and go wild once a year. It's not so terrible. If she is a normally reliable girl with a good head on her shoulders, and once a year she wants to go a bit crazy- well, I think could trust her. Of course she can get drunk without reaching the point of blacking out ! and hopefully she will limit herself this time. Maybe these 3 episodes happened when she was younger and single, now she is older and wiser and most of all now she has you. People in love generally don't want to risk their life :)
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A
male
reader, ArsenalFC87 +, writes (1 December 2010):
 she gets black out drunk. in miami of all places. i hate to be that guy who is brutally honest but come on man. you already know whats going on here.
granted shes young and likes to drink. but if its getting to the point where youre concerned about her safety, have voiced that to her, and she continues to do it without considering your feelings, its time to let her know that you are considering a break. allow her to digest the fact that her actions may cause her to lose you. right now, shes taking your relationship for granted. let her take a moment to realize how lonely and messed up the party scene can be and for her to re-evaluate whats important. she shouldnt feel the need to go out and get sh!tshowed all the time when shes got you.
ive seen plenty of girls who constantly get black-out drunk like theres no tomorrow and the end result is always the same. crash and burn. ive dated a few as well, and it hurts man. Best of luck bro.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Neither of you are wrong. Focus on the blacking out. Let her know you're not against her going out and having fun, but you're worried what might happen to her if/when she blacks out. Let her know that getting blackout drunk kills lots of people each year and do some research to back up that statement (alcohol overdose deaths). Tell her you trust her not to cheat on you, but that you want to make sure she's going to live to be with you.
There is such a thing as responsible drinking and it sounds like she needs a lesson in it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): also she wears a promise ring i saved up for to get her and we agreed to be with each other and work everything out knowing we will be happy with each other forever knowing the great past we've had and the great present we are living
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