A
female
age
30-35,
*luffyPie
writes:My father has 4 elder brothers - 1 brother and 3 sisters. They've always been united and got along excellent. They're really supportive when one of them has problems, they're always THERE, "one for all and all for one". I honestly appreciate this, because they have a strong family spirit, you don't get to see that nowadays. They always came to our place in the weekends, we always had lunch together, with my grandmother (their mother, with whom we used to live). They loved her a lot and they did everything for her, to be healthy and to have a happy old age. But she passed away a few months ago, due to heart issues. Thus, their visits were more and more seldom - every 2-3 weeks. Then what's my problem, you may ask... Well, my aunts are EXTREMELY judgmental towards EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I'm bothered because of this, because they always tell me what to do, they can't mind their own business, they barge into our life (especially mine), giving advices and trying to impose themselves, they often say offensive things, especially now, because they know I don't like them. They use tendentious words to hint the fact that I'm a loser and that my parents should be more authoritarian with me. I'm a normal person, I've never done anything awkward in my life, I know my limits, I have flaws, like everyone else, but this is what I am. And I've never done anything to bother them, never caused them problems. Yet, they treat me like a baby and they want to know everything I do, who go out with, what are my college results, where I work, they want to know EVERYTHING as in... EVERY LITTLE ASPECT of our lives (mine and my parents'). They have to know where we're going, if we don't answer a phone call they get paranoid and panicked and they ask "where have you been?" If I don't tell them something, they reproach me for being absconded and cunning, making me feel like I'm doing things "behind their back".When they come here, they're usually very LOUD when they talk - we have a big house though and I stay in my room, and I still can hear noises. Ever since I was a kid, I've never had my privacy at all, I've never had my own room, I had to share it with my grandmother. Well, they wanted to see my notebooks, if I had little hearts drawn at the bottom of my notebook, they were all hyper and making fuss about it - "she's in love, she's got a little boyfriend". I HATED THIS, because they were making me feel embarrassed. ALL the time. I ended up thinking that liking a boy is a bad thing. I had this mentality very deep fixed in my head until 19, when I had my first real boyfriend. Now, they NEVER knock when they come inside my room (in the weekends, I'm always at home), they just say "I'll leave my coat here, on the bed". Maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm repulsive to them.I KNOW they've been through a lot of things and they have the life experience, and their intentions are not bad at all, but why can't just they mind their own business? Why can't they set some limits? Even if I'm away now, for college, they still feel the need to know every meaningless detail of my life. They're just so curious... They talk about everyone else, they try to find reason for other people's behaviors, they JUDGE them according to their standards. Sometimes I get the feeling that they can't sleep at night because they're to concerned of the others and of what's going on in the world. I told my dad and he thinks the same, but they're his brothers, he can't just tell them all of a sudden not to come by. He says that I should be happy that there are people who really care about me, but I think they're being too nosy and curious...
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male
reader, fordyboy  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 I'm no expert on family matters but i think now is the time to sit down with your family and set the boundaries. You need to tell them that although you love them very much you are finding their intrusive behaviours quite intimidating. It might be worth letting them know that you realise and appriciate the reasons why they do it but feel that you need to grow as a person and that the only way you can do that is to make your own decisions, mistakes and life choices so that you may learn from them. Tell them that you would still like them to be there for advice and help when you need it but would like to be given the chance to ask rather than be told. Also try putting a lock on your room. You need your own private sanctury. Hope this helps
A
male
reader, ashaw +, writes (27 September 2010):
I think that if your dad feels the same way, he should let them know that there are hurt feelings, and if they really do have good intentions, they'll respond to it. If they want to cause hurt feelings, or don't care, then who needs them around? I think they deserve the benefit of the doubt, just in case they don't realize they are being so hurtful. But, if, given the chance to change, they don't, then why even worry about sending them on their way?
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