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female
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*enique
writes: I am 24 years old and have been in a relationship for 5 months and am 10 weeks pregnant by this man. My boyfriend is great, he treats me like a queen, is happy. We are having a baby and we are planning to get married sooner then later. The downside to this wonderful relationship is that he has a lot of baggage. He was married for 10 years and his divorce didn't start until after we got together. He has 2 children and he gets along well with his wife soon to be ex-wife. I've met her and she is okay with us being together having a baby because they havent been together for a while. He lets her know that we are together - its very clear that their relationship is over and i have no reason to think that something's going to go on between them. However i still worry about it all the time. I dont necessarily think he will cheat on me with her. I just seem to always be waiting for some sort of drama to start even though i want everything to be peaceful. I think i partly feel this way because when we first got together she threatened not to sign the divorce papers then she said that she didnt respect our relationship....this is all before i met her. He also told me that she used to try to persuade him into having sex with her and one time in January he actually did it. I dont know what to do to make these insecurities go away. He listens to me and trys to reassure me all the time. Bottom line is i dont want him to be her friend. I want him to deal with her in regards to taking care of their children and I'm okay with us all being together cause im there but anything other than that im not comfortable with....What to do what to do???
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female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 I think that it is important for your boyfriend to be friends with his ex wife as there are children involved. How do you think it would feel like for his children if all they saw was there mother and father arguing all the time? Also if you are having his child it will become brother or sister to these other children so its important you all get along together. Sit your boyfriend down and explain to him how you are feeling, tell him you respect the fact that he is friends with his ex wife. But tell him you would prefer it if he wasnt so chummy with her. If he is a decent man he should understand what you mean and should ease up a bit. But honestly you cant put a complete stop to there friendship hunny, and I honestly believe that you have nothing to worry about. His ex seems happy that you are together, maybe before she met you she was a bit anti, but maybe this is because she cares about your boyfriends well being and worried that you were not good enough for him. But now she has met you she has decided otherwise. Take care and congratulations on your pregnancy.
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male
reader, guardian87  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 okay, insecurities...ya, everyone has them. And the best way not to have drama is to not start them yourself (DUH! but wait, im getting to my point). But, whether by accident or on purpose, if u have the insecurities, more than likely your already living the drama you say you don't want in this situation. But what to do? well, the best thing you can do is either take a subtle approach or an offense approach (i sound like a coach, don't i? :P): the subtle approach is to try to me more of her friend so you can feel more comfortable being around her and gain her trust and maybe then she wouldnt try to be all for your soon-to-be-husband. or, you could tell your soon-to-be-husband how you feel about her and you, and convince him to talk about boundaries and scheduals as to when he would see her and if the kids would visit him instead of him coming down to visit them? then agian, i am not in ur shoes, im only trying to plac e myself there by imagining it. The best advice i can give u ultimately is to do what you think is necessary for you to be more comfortable with this, even if it means confronting her about it
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