A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for nine months. I am from a small town, but lived in a large city for awhile. I met my boyfriend, now husband, and moved to his small town with him ( from the city). We are now married and expecting our first baby. I do not mind the adjustment from the city to the small town because again, I am from Small Town, USA myself, having only lived in the city for a small number of years. My career really took off in the city but I wanted to return to a rural area to create the family environment I myself had been raised in. We are happily married except for one issue. There is not a lot to do in Hubby's town except go to small town taverns. I am not a drinker myself, but had fun tavern hopping with him while we were dating. Now that I am with-child and settling down, I want to be more settled in our life together. I would like more movie nights and less "on the move" nights. I have expressed this to him multiple times and although it has caused fights, he has finally come around and slowed down a bit. We maybe go to the local tavern once a week or twice a week. However, he is also in a local band and we go to his shows 2-3 times a month. So that equals more bar time and late nights. I do not enjoy the late nights and he really does. Sometimes I feel like he resents me when he sees his still single friends staying up all night at the local deer camp drinking and drinking some more. They are not out meeting women but the drinking, late nights, and need to be with the "boys" wears on me. Again, things have slowed down but I am afraid this will always be an issue in our relationship. Will he always have the nagging need to be drinking and drinking more with the boys?? It is hard for me because I do not have close friends or relatives in the immedatiate area to take my mind of things if he wants to be at band or at the bar. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (24 January 2008):
 He probably still wants to prove to the guys that he's still a 'man'...translation-he can still act like an idiot. He wants to prove that even though he has a wife and kid, he's not 'settled'. Just give it some time and then if he keeps on acting like this, go find some friends of your own and ignore him for a while. He'll come around onces he realizes how much he misses when you call and stuff.
A
female
reader, lynnb84  +, writes (24 January 2008):
You need to get some freinds of your own, then when he has a night out drinking with the boys you can have a night in with the girls. mother and baby groups are always good for meeting other women in the same position as you.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (24 January 2008):
 A wife should be a man's BEST FRIEND. A man's priority should be his FAMILY. You & I are on the SAME PAGE concerning that.
When you talk to him about this issue, try to remain calm, and speak softly. Tell him you miss him when he goes out so much. Yes, he has friends that he is compelled to spend time with, but ... Tell him that you need him too.
Try to appeal to his sensitivity, without letting it escalate into a fight.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (24 January 2008):
 Dont worry,
When your baby is born and he has a few nights where he has had no sleep and he is tired. He will slow down, as well.
Dont forget your a little emotional at the moment, and the things that normally wouldnt bother you do. He sounds like a nice Guy, but is pulled a little by his mates, this happens, and they always feel that they have to do as their mates are doing for fear of ridicule.
Over time this changes, once they realise who is Boss (thats you).
XX Good luck with the Baby, I really think things will change for you, when the little one comes.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 The men need to socialize and a time for men's out.Sometimes their needs can be incompatible with a family lifestyle. Compromise is the only solution. No one is happy but you get along as best as you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
I no how adjusting to being a parent can slow down your enjoyment times unfortunatly us women are the ones who have to carry the baby love if it were the other way round what a difference that would make eh love can you imagine!!! There would probably be a drastic fall in the population :) It must be so tiring trying to keep up right now, You must get out and meet some new people I no this is not always easy but being pregnant I was wondering if you are going to lamas classes as there are other women there in the same boat, Or some sort of hobby you could take up so on your husbands nights out you dont feel pressured into going along all the time.
I understand only to well being left behind is a daunting feeling as its lonely when your rattling around on your own, Ive found this site amazing its helped me alot to help others so there would be a good interest, You need to explain to your husband that when the baby comes along you will need his support as it will change your lives so id buy a baby book for dads.. Things may settle down hunny when your little gift comes along it sometimes takes the man awhile longer to adjust as he isnt the one carrying, But as soon as the baby comes along then hopefully things will settle down. And if you do decide to join this site hunny be warned its addictive TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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