A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I adore my boyfriend. He's everything I ever wanted and more than I ever thought I'd get. However, I do not like his two best friends.His one friend is CONSTANTLY smoking weed, dumber than a stump, an is always doing pointlessly stupid things. His other friend is a recovering coke addict. At least, he claims he's recovering. I sure hope he's telling the truth. Both of these guys seem to need to be high, drunk, or a mixture of the two to have a good time. I. Don't. Get it. My boyfriend is NOTHING like these guys. He doesn't smoke weed more than maybe twice a year, he refuses to touch any hard drugs (Thank God) and when he drinks, he doesn't usually get drunk. WHY does he like these guys??? The one guy, the coke addict, was a real rough patch in our relationship for a while because I refused to be around him, with good reason, I feel, and that hurt my boyfriend because he's known this guy forever and considers him a brother. My boyfriend doesn't support his friends' behavior, and especially in the case of the coke addict, he's actively trying to get the guy to stop. I guess my question is, am I overreacting, or should I be concerned?
View related questions:
best friend, drugs, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 March 2011):
Hi there. You don't have to like your boyfriends's friends. No, not at all.
Of course, it does make things go a lot more smoothly, if you do, because it's inevitable that you are going to see these two people from time to time.
Perhaps you could suggest to your boyfriend that he can see them if he really wants to, but for him to go and visit them at their places - by himself (without you). Don't allow them into your house.
Are you living together? If not, well that's easy for you.
If you are, then it's a bit more challenging.
But it's not an impossible situation. What you could do if you know one or both of them are coming around, is to just go out for a while by yourself. Then come back to the house again, after they are gone. That's the best alternative. Don't bother arguing over it. Just do it. Tell your boyfriend that's what you will do each time they come over.
When you go out together, before you leave home, ask your boyfriend who is going. Or, you could say - "Can we go out, just the 2 of us and no-one else?"
It's difficult knowing people who use drugs and alcohol excessively. It alters their conscious state and can make their behaviour unpredictable and very erratic. Sometimes, they can become over-reactive and lash out if something goes wrong and then become extremely violent. This is a safety hazard for you and everyone else. And it's a common occurrence among drug users, especially.
It's potentially very dangerous indeed, for all concerned.
This is something you need to point out to your boyfriend. He needs to know of your concerns.
I really don't think that your boyfriend is going to be able to get them off the drug use, (just because he cares about them), it's something only they can do. They have to reach that point where they are really ready to stop, for good. They need to have a good reason to do so. In other words a better "non-substance" alternative. Perhaps making their lives more interesting with hobbies, interests etc.
Drug use is often a result of boredom, and being uninspired about life. It's an easy escape. It's also often a habit people get into when they have problems they don't know how to solve. So for the short term, they feel that all is right with the world. But when they come down from their trip, the problem is still there. It's not a solution at all.
Take care and best wishes.
|
