A
female
age
36-40,
*ngelic08
writes:Dear Aunts,I've been dating my boyfriend for 15 months. We met online and everything was great at first. We're so into each other. He lives a world apart so we don't meet on a regular basis. At first he thought about coming to visit me. I was hesitance so I said we better wait till everything is settled. He said that he's serious about me and want to marry me!!! I was not ready at first because I wasn't settled yet and I was being unemployed. But later on, he asked me to come to him instead. He said that I could get a better job there, and we could start a family together. I know he just wants the best out but that's not how it works for me. I'm the oldest daughter and my parents want me to marry a decent guy so when I started to bring up everything about him, my parents got concerned and they're against the idea of me coming to get to him. This is the whole problem. I want to come but my parents are completely against us. I asked him to come instead but he said if he came then he'd spend more money on buying the ticket. I don't understand though, if the problem lies with the money, we could start saving up. But then again he said, if I do really love him, I should never listen to anybody but myself and just go for the one I love. I feel it somewhat unacceptable for people in my country. Therefore, I tried to explain that it'd be better for him to come here. He rejected to give a try and said that I supposed to chase after my true love. We're going to sit and talk about this but from the way he treated me the last couple days, I knew that he had enough of tryin to make me come and feels like giving up already. What am I supposed to do??Thank you.
View related questions:
met online, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (7 March 2011):
I cant agree any more with abella. She is completely right.
Just let me up something. He is pressuring you way too much. When he talks doesnt he focus too much on convincing you to go to his country?
It is easy to sound nice online, the right words will do. So watch out. I agree with your parents this time.
I hope you take the right decision. Good luck
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 you absolutely should be listening to some other views.
I sense that you are only hearing what you want to hear. And that you may only want to hear answers that validate what you want to do.
I cant give you an assurance that what you want to do is right. Because i sense you are very vulnerable and possibly at risk from this man you have been communicating with.
if your post is genuine then you should be seriously concerned.
This is because if he is really a gentleman he needs to visit you first.
But he is too eager. And that should have alarm bells ringing very loudly in your ears.
He is also telling you what you want to hear.
Why is it acceptable for YOU to spend
money on a ticket to visit him?
BUT it is too much for HIM to spend money to visit you?
His remarks do not make sense.
If he lives in another country and has a criminal record he may be ineligible to get a Visa to visit your country.
And if you go to him you may find your opportunity to return to your home and your parents may be blocked by his actions.
There are endless stories too of people who have married another just to get a visa to enter a country.
I would be VERY much more sceptical of his motives than you are at present.
As a young woman travelling to the unknown you are more vulnerable.
Does he live in your country? Or in another country?
There are endless stories that the Immigration departments in western countries could tell you of vulnerable people have been tricked by overseas suitors.
The major police forces in various countries would be happy to explain how often these situations end in tears.
There have been vulnerable men who have visited woman they have been writing to, in another country, where the men have arrived to find that the girl was just used as the 'attractant' but then the man has been told he is being taken to meet the girl, but instead is killed for his money or is held for ransom which his family have to pay to get him back.
There have been girls of your age and younger who have been hoodwinked into work they would NEVER consider on arrival to meet their friend, who has been anything but their 'friend', after the girl has gone to meet their friend.
such girls have been whisked away, their passports taken from them and the girls have found themselves sold into prostitution. Watch the old Donald Sutherland film 'human trafficking' and you might start to get some understand the trickery used on vulnerable girls.
And how men preying on woman can sound 'too good to be true'
That is because the man is not as he seems.
If your post is genuine then yes you should be listening to your parents.
Individually and collectively they have more life experience and wisdom than you. They are sensing that you are vulnerable and lack the wisdom that you do need to develop, for your own safety.
...............................
A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 According to me,things are always not same.If he is seriously engaged he will definitely come to see you someday even if he is not ready today.So have patience, let him take the step and then convince yourself that you people are doing good or will do good and after that you can go against anybody, if you need that.Otherwise better you get settled and just visit him,have sometime together, that would be fine.Be sure that there is no problem when you are together and then move to him.According to me if you are going to take a major independent decision, you should secure yourself first.
...............................
|
