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female
,
anonymous
writes: My bf and I are incredibly close, and our relationship is perfect in every way, except for one thing. My friends and family don't want me to be with him, and they use every oportunity to tell me stories and rumors to try to turn me against him. Sure, so my bf doesn't exactly make a good first impression and his behaviour in the past with violence and flirting with other girls tends to drag him down, but he really has changed and I love him so much it really hurts me when people speak ill of him. It's really affecting our relationship, because I become paranoid and suffer with trust issues. Is there anything I can do to help myself? Some way I can block out what people say and just focus on how good our relationship really is?
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female
reader, midgetgem +, writes (15 August 2006):
 Darlin'
The first thing I can say is take everything other peole say with a large pinch of salt. No-one truely knows this man apart from him.
Stories from other people tend to be largely exaggerated or entirely fabricated. We all know about Chinese wispers, things tend to get out of proportion (and removed from the truth) as soon as the gossip network starts.
If anyone starts to tell you stories just tell them that you don't want to hear it from them, the only person who should be telling you about your boyfriend is your boyfiend. And how do they know this story anyway? Nine times out of ten it'll be a friend who told a friend who told a friend etc....
Let them know that this tye of tittle tattle is upsetting and unless they have any real foundation to their stories to keep their noses out of your business (in the nicest possible way of course!).
Once people are told to keep their noses out you can concentrate on your relationship and you can make your OWN decisions on his past.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): Just a suggestion...there is no "real pefect" relationship or person on this Earth; there is the very ideal relationship and person though.
Okay...
If in fact this man has had a change of heart and has shown he is a good, honest, reliable, reliable, self reliant, respectful, loving man...then it should matter not to what others say of him.
It is unfortunate that your family is so caught up on the destructive force of gossip...have you told them that "hey...I love this man...he has done this and this for me...he makes me feel this way...and I do in fact love and trust in him and i am tired of you hurting me and him by your unkind words...please have some consideration...please".
Then in the future...if someone begings the gossip and attacks...tell them you no longer are going to sit there and hear it and when you can have back your loving and supportive family...you will be so relieved.
More often than not it takes someone who is willing to stand up for the right; to be a leader and tell people how they are expected to govern themselves.
Give it time...show them by doing as I suggest and in time, they will come to know you mean business.
I suggest some couple's counseling, even when things are going good...so that you can both come to common life goals and commitments.
May I also suggest a great book that I absolutely adore and can attest to that is very effective?
It is a book by Stephen R. Covey and is titled "The Seven Habits of Highley Effective Families".
Good luck Sweetie and let us know how things are going.
*hugs*
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