A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Growing up, girls usually didn't show much interest in me. Apparently they usually think I'm weird. Not weird as in, stay in my room all day and play video games and role play as the characters (Not that I'm judging), weird as in, I say and do things differently from everyone else to the point where people always stop and be like “You're so strange, you know that? ” OR “That's such an odd way to look at it?” Sometimes I realize I notice things, attitudes and situations that others don’t seem to follow or notice and then I'm like “Really? You've never noticed that before?”. Sometimes I wonder if I'm gifted. Personally, I never had a problem being weird, I actually like it because it clearly indicates I'm not like everyone else who are considered “the norm”, plus, I could give a hoot what others think about me. Overall I'm a “normal guy”, I'm also a “good guy”, because I like to do good things and I try to have a big heart but in the end it doesn't seem to pay off much. I'm also a Christian, but it's much harder than it looks. MY PROBLEM IS, when I was younger and “approached” girls they would always reject me...always...ALWAYS! Prep school, High school, College, Parties, Events, you name it, they're not interested. Now that I'm 23, I can see that my reputation for being “nice” and probably lacking confidence was the cause of that. Girls see me as a cute little puppy they don’t mind playing with but they wouldn't want that puppy guarding their house would they. Thing is, I like being “nice”, as far as I can tell nobody else seems interested. We live in a world where no one cares about the person next to them and doing bad things is considered amusing or even good and I hate it, so I try...try...to be a difference. ANYWAYS, I've picked up a few things and I think I'm a bit better than I was before although my confidence is conditional. But there's just one problem, I don’t like anyone, rather, I don’t like anyone anymore. After all those years of rejection, I just sort of....stopped. I haven’t “approached” a woman in YEARS, nor am I that interested. Lately, I notice more and more girls, checking me out and showing interest in me and I don’t like it. All of a sudden, I'm such a gentleman and I'm so considerate and I'm so cute. It's weird for me. I Rarely like girls anymore, and if I do, I'm usually unsure or unenthusiastic about it. Also, if that girl were to even show the slightest, I mean THE SLIGHTEST, form of interest in me, whether it be a smile, or giggle, or weird piercing eyes....I IMMEDIATELY LOSE ALL INTEREST! It's like my body just shuts down and it doesn't matter HOW MUCH I liked that girl before....IT'S OVER! Especially if they actually tell me upfront that they like me (Not that I get that very often). I always say “We'll I don’t” (I can be pretty blunt sometimes) or try to directed them in the direction of a friend or sibling or someone else, anyone else but me. Now that I'm older people are always like “So how come you don't have a girlfriend?”, which I hate being asked by the way and the fact that everyone else seems to have one makes it a bit weird for me. I do want to get married and have kids, I love kids but how can I do that if I don’t like anybody, nor am I interested in liking anyone. This barrier I have up is manageable, but still I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a partner like that. I find myself liking guys a lot, but I don’t want to like guys. To be honest, I feel like I only like men for the wrong reasons. They feel like a rebound gender so to speak. Not to mention that would infringe on my religion and I personally don’t want to get involved with I guys, because I think in the long run, I wouldn't be very happy with them. But, that’s a different ball park, I don’t get involved with guys either in any way or form. The million dollar question is, if I don’t have interest in anybody, how can I expect to have a wife one day? Should I MAKE myself like someone? Should I force it? Because it sure as hell doesn't come naturally anymore. I don’t like when people show that sort of interest in me, period. It feels weird and it's slightly upsetting. It's clear my rejection from the past did this but it's the effect it has now that I cant wipe, nor am I sure if I want to. Even if a supermodel threw herself at me right now, I wouldn't be very interested, I'd just want her to go away and leave me alone. Does anybody know what I'm going through or has experienced it before? A friend asked me once “Don't you ever get lonely?” and I replied “Not really, sometimes I get curious and wonder, but I've never really felt LONELY before.”, then he said. “It's because you've never experienced it (a relationship).”What do I do and how do I handle this? Prayer is great but sometimes it doesn't feel like much for me. What are your thoughts?
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christian, confidence, period, video games Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the late reply, but thanks for all the advice. Easier said than done but we'll see i guess.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2013):
 That you are doing a lot of navel-gazing, even for 23, and that you are so concentrated on thinking about your life that you forget to live it.
Simplify. Just do your stuff, pursue your goals, build your career, cultivate your interests, follow your passions, go out with your friends, - the stuff that you'd do with zest and pleasure anyway, partnered or not.
You can't force yourself to like anybody, because it would be a intellectual like that comes from the brain, not from the heart ( or the senses ) , so no foundation for a relationship. IF and when you meet someone you like, you will act accordingly. IF you never meet her ( highly, highly improbable ), - no big deal, you say you don't feel lonely and you handle well being on your own, and so you will continue to do. It's not mandatory to get a wife, there are guys who would not take one to save their life !
Marriage , or even coupledom, is not for everybody, and, although most people feel that they have a better shot at happiness if they are part of a steady couple, that does not mean that single people cannot attain happy,fulfilling, realized lives.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): If you go around with the agenda of "I'm looking for a wife" you are going to feel pressured into finding the perfect woman. My sister is gay she hated it. it took her until she was 28 to finally accept it and tell us, she still wasn't happy and like most people she just wanted to be "normal" and have a family. She spent all her teen years single, as she got older she went on dates with guys so as to make herself love them but in the end she realised that she couldn't pretend any more. Spending all those years pretending harmed her confidence and she was convicted she would never be happily married. And now 5 years later she is married to a lovely woman and they are planning to have kids together. Just remember god loves everybody he has nothing against gays as he created everyone and loves everybody the same. He passes no judgement on us unless we commit a crime in the laws eyes and then he teaches us to forgive. People seem to think that beign gay is a choice but its not a choice of the person god made that decision and god is the wise one so he knows what he's doing. He made us all with purpose.I hope you discover who you truly are and find acceptance with whatever that may be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): Currently I am 21. I have never experienced any feelings or emotions of attraction towards another person. I consider myself androgynous and panamorous. Funny world, huh? I can be alone, but I am not lonely. People seem to confuse the two often. I, too, get inquired on the lack of lovers. What can I say? I'm not interested. I think you are the same, interest wise I mean. Although the psychological side of me thinks that all that rejection has affected you negatively. But look at it this way: those were the times in which you were growing up. More than anything those same girls have been growing up as well. I don't think I have to tell you about all.the awkwardness that comes with it.
Don't worry about what others are doing. Focus on yourself. The rest will follow suit.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 Being gay doesn't mean you can't have children or get married. If you aren't attracted to women then that's perfectly natural and nothing to worry about. Don't try and force yourself to be someone you don't want to be just relax and go with what your body is telling you to. Whether that is to be on your own or to be with men. You are still young, there is no pressure to settle down at all.
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