A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:After everything I've been through, I decided to keep going with my wife. After Christmas, we kept fighting and she thought it was ok to take her anger out on me by smashing things in the home and destroying my property. It all came to a halt when she pulled my work shirt away from my back and sliced it with a lnifwm She lept up on the bed and used the knife to slice up our marriage photo poster on the wall. She then casually threw water all over me and the screen. At that point I started to collect my belongings and told her I was going away for a while. She went to bed and said shebwas going to find a new husband in the morning.I took most of my things away. Whilst at my parents, I wrote a letter to immigration and requested for my sponsorship of her spouse visa to be withdrawn (which would have resulted in her deportation and refusal of the permanent residency). But I had second thoughts and after a couple of days and phone calls with her, decided to come back.Immigration contacted me and I told them to not take any action about the letter...After I came back, things improved so much. Still far from perfect but we were getting along better than we had for months. We were both working hard and trying to save up.Until tonight. She touched on a raw nerve again and made me feel so incompetent. Basically, we tried to be intimate but she said that she had no feelings and wasn't turned on by me. She complained of being tired and just wanting a quick finish so she could get some rest for her early start.She works in real estate. Currently she is trying to find clients. Her methods leave a lot to be desired.I work as a 2ic manager. Tonight I finished late and came home to be greeted with hostility. I mentioned how I wanted to post a couple of photos to Facebook and she said that the most successful men in her company spend every waking moment focused on how to make money and that losers use facebook. We are renting and I don't have much money. My job is low paid and it is hard to save. I'm trying to find better work. I have plans to study my masters in environmental science very soon.She continued the bs into the room. At that point she said she didn't care about my working and that I'm doing it for myself. Then spat in my face when I tried to reason with her.I left the room... a short while later she came out and asked me to come to bed.Then the intimacy problem started. She used porn to get herself off while I performed on her. Then sex was terrible. I just started and she lied there and said she could feel nothing and that her past boyfriend's all made her comfortable so there had to be something wrong with me because of my back. It's true that ly stiff back can't naturally work well in that position. I have rods in my back.But can you imagkne how I felt after those stinging remarks??We didn't have good sex and I felt completely disconnected from her. I'm more unhappy than ever.I also learned today that she is using a chat program to meet clients for her her real estate job. She told me that today she met up with a guy in the shops, someone she had been talking to for a bit. I can't find any trace of chat history on her phone...She says it is for her job but I think it is wrong regardless. Because even if she tells these me. that she is married, they are meeting her for one thkng only. They even ask her if her husband is out of town...It's ironic because while I was trying to write a new letter to immigration to prove our relationship is genuine, she was out there having coffee with some bloke she found online!Let me finish by describing how I feel. I feel cheated. I also feel inadequate in the bedroom. I hate myself more because I feel like my back has something wrong with it. I feel like it is bot as good as others and I may never know what it is like to have a woman feel comfortable having sex with me. I feel like oat never be able to turn a woman on. I just feel completely inadequate.I was relying on my wife to give me support, care and fulfil my need for intimacy and a connection. She has failed that so many times.I feel starved of a fulfilling love. A complete love where my incompetencies are met with patience and a willing to work with me.It is also so hard for me to try and come to grips with the fact that there are some satisfying sex positions that I may never get to enjoy because of my back.I feel like I have a kind of disability holding me back for the first time in my life.I feel confused about everything. I don't know if I should keep going with her in the hope they get better or if four years is long enough...I feel equally as inadequate from my low income and my age of 30!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (10 March 2013):
BTW don't let her mess with your head, this person seems capable of anything. Run and don't look back, even if she starts being nice. She's only doing it to con you.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 March 2013):
Jesus, this is a complete and utter disaster! Divorce this nutcase as soon as humanly possible. Cancel her immigration application if you want to; but not only is she using you for immigration (because she obviously doesn't love you) but she's being a complete psycho in the meantime.
Do you see yourself having a family and growing old with someone like this? Can you imagine how bad of a mom she'll be? Her kids will be crazy too and you will probably kill yourself.
BTW I don't think you're innocent here, but that's not relevant because this relationship needs to be ended ASAP!
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