A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Have you ever felt a sharp pain in your chest like you couldn't breath ..laying in bed tears form and then slowly hit the pillow . every night you wake up wanting to scream and burst out crying hoping it is all a bad dream but you look beside you and you see the time ..and then you remember its not . its like a piece of you just got up and walked away ...i don't know why i can't stop thinking about him .. my ex boyfriend i mean ..i miss him so much we were together for 3 yrs . i was his 1st everything and everyone thought we'd end up together but luck would have it that we broke up and in the 2weeks apart as i tried to get him back his friends convinced him to see someone else one day he came over and things began to look up because it seemed he still loved like i loved him so we were un-separate able for a week toward the end we had sex and then afterwards he told me about the new girl in his life . and that he wanted me to understand he did indeed loves me but he wanted to see how things could go another way . he said he still wanted me in his life but the thought of hearing about him even being with her hurt .. while we were together she texted him so i walked away and told him to never talk to me again . i wish i didn't say that now it hurts so much its been 2 months and hes completely changed for his birthday i sent him one last email as a way to tell him that i'm sorry and that i missed him and he read it but said nothing i feel so pathetic like a ex who won't let it go but i was with him for so long its hard too just wake up and pretend it never happened we had a puppy together and he won't even let me see her . his new gf posts pictures of them together and i have friends show me all the time ...i feel sick to my stomach i want him to be happy i know she makes him happy but why can't i stop thinking about him ... please tell me what to do .. i've deleted everything and got rid of his stuff but i can't stop thinking about him . what do i do to forget .. ? i've even tried dating and that doesn't work i'm never interested ..please if theres someone out there that can help ..me tell me what to do ..to lessen the pain i feel something anything ..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): After long walks and hours of meditating, depressing music and restless nights of beating myself up over it two boxes of Kleenex later..here i am still a little broken, but here none- the less . thank you all for your advice. it helped motivate me to get up and do something instead of being in this zombie state .although it didn't help that when i finally got out there i bumped into him while i was driving it nearly broke my heart i had to pull the car over and take a deep breath . its quite pathetic how a boy can do this to me...but crying and waiting isn't going to do anything. the best thing to do is keep myself busy and avoid him and everything that deals with him . there are moments where i can't help but think about him sometimes i break in a smile other times i hold the tears back and tell myself you'll get over it . soo...i'm looking for a new job today and im applying for a college in the fall far away from here and looks like i just got accepted =)
i'm not gonna let him see me like this girl who can't move on because i can i'm better then this maybe then he'll realize how much i really cared maybe then he'll see i was really sorry for how i hurt him and how hes really sorry for hurting me like i hurt him .
for the record i did tell him how i felt no not in person . not over the phone .. but in a 2 page e-mail that took me forever to write because mind you i'm not that type of girl to beg or show that strong of an emotion . i know its not the best way but its the only way i could do it .
and all i got back from him was a text saying yes i read it .. no input no nothing just a " yes i read it " ... so i told him okay.. i won't bother you again .
things happen for a reason i'm unaware of that reason right now but i have faith something good will come out of it and bring me something better .
thanx again everyone for the tough love , for the truth , for the understanding and support and the advice . it makes me feel less alone that and i got my friends but still thank you . =)
A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Oh yes! That particular pain grabs right around the solar plexus. Just about everybody who's managed to grow up has felt it and more than once. You did quite a job of illustrating it too; it would make a good Country song. If you will avoid the others involved in this triangle, it'll take about three days to loosen up. It's like a bad case of indigestion and it is a real trauma to your nervous system, your immune system and your sleep cycles, so even if you don't feel like it, take your vitamins. Do you live alone, with a roommate or with family? The trouble with intense romances is that they tend to isolate you from the rest of your social resources - if you let them. Go play sports, cook with your relatives, see a play, ride your horse and do a little roping, anything that gets you out of yourself and out of the house. Phone a relative; the older the better, to give you a different perspective on things and go have a meal with him or her. Quit beating yourself up inside.I wonder where young girls get this proclivity for self-immolation, to become burnt offerings on lonely altars. Is it a hang-over from an earlier collective consciousness cultural memory? Boys don't go through it quite as bad but I think that is largely because they're not really allowed to act that way in society and unfortunately, the same society still expects it of the girls. Well-adjusted, confident girls who have other interests and more sense of self-preservation are accused of being uncaring. It's all nonsense really. It's not sane to just let somebody eat you up like an hors d'œuvre. How do you stop thinking of it? Think about something else! Go look at the news! (want to be truly shocked and awed?) There are some damned odd things going on in the world lately and young people better pay attention too. Get some fresh air (if you can find any) and some exercise. I know you don't feel like it but you can take it from me that an hour or two of it right now will make you feel much better. You can't think straight when you're so weak you're on the floor. It's not like you're being shot at in a combat zone. All you did was get rid of a tomcat of a boyfriend with bad morals that you can do well without anyway. Not a husband who takes care of you, not a child, a blood relative or anyone who really counts. Just a guy, whose name you may even have trouble calling to mind when you get to be my age.I have to de-glamorize this emotional upset and inform you that most of your discomfort is in fact, chemical. It's a physical, hormonal reaction and you have to treat it with actual physical therapies: good food, exercise, lots of oxygen and maybe, some calming herbal teas - those in your local supermarket will do just fine. Stay away from drugs or alcohol; they will depress you even worse. I am at the moment not nearly so concerned about whether you get an already bad relationship back as I am about giving you a real cure. We all like to say the brain starts everything in the body but the opposite is true too: your body can make you think you're losing your mind when you're really not. You did not come into this world joined at the hip to your boyfriend and you shan't be leaving it that way either. Pick up your hand and look at it right now. A real live individual person, all complete and unique! And you have a journey in front of you full of promise. Now go pump iron and forget about the creep.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Hey girl!
I COMPLETELY understand your situation since Ive been through something similar. As Dorothy said, it is not going to be easy and you cannot just stop thinking about him. I refused to believe that time helps us heal but it is true!
My bf broke up with me after 5 years of being together and the first 3 months were hell for me.
I wanted to text him and call him and I did, just a couple times.
However, 8 months have gone by and Im really glad I let time take care of my wounds. Im still not interested in meeting new guys, i mean, I want to meet guys ad stuff but im just looking for friendship. I do think about him every now and then but its not the same thing.
I would also recommend writing your feelings. I have a journal and i just started writing things down, including things about him. It has helped me realize that HE is not the right guy for me.
Oh and one more thing, so, you said that you guys had sex and after that he told you that he had another girl? What kind of man is that? Excuse me but i don't really think it is a good man. You deserve someone better. Take care of yourself. Write. Read, Run. Exercise. "Eat.Pray.Love" Laugh. Cry.etc,.
DO everything that you've always wanted to do.
pamper yourself :)
and let time take care of things. :)
-karmen
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A
female
reader, ahomes123  +, writes (5 January 2011):
Have u told him how u feel?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 January 2011):
Hi there. After 3 years, it's naturally a big part of your life. Plus each being the first for the other, is a big thing also.
First time romances are always hard to forget, so it's going to take a little while.
Trying to find someone else straight away is a really bad idea. That would be a rebound relationship, which rarely work out well.
Instead just cry whenever you need to, and over time it will be less and less. You will feel a little bit better week by week. It is a type of grieving, because it is a loss of him from your life.
In the meantime, try to go out with your friends and just enjoy life a bit. At the very least, it will be a distraction for you - to take your mind off it, even if it is only for a few hours. It will help.
It's impossible to simply forget someone, so that won't work.
Do look after your health, by eating good nutritious food and exercising regularly - walking for 30 minutes, does wonders for your mental health and is well known for it's positive affect on depression. Especially go for a walk when you do feel anxious or sad. It really does help, and you will feel relaxed afterwards. If you can walk at least 3 days a week with a day of rest in between. It will help you feel great.
Generally speaking, if you can try to make your life as interesting and exciting as possible - it will help. Perhaps you could take up some interesting hobbies or creative pursuits.
The more interesting and fun your life is, the less time you will be sitting at home moping around feeling sad.
Please don't try to text your ex at all, just leave him be. It serves no purpose.
Even if he texts you, don't bother answering it. Ignore it. Just give him some space. It's worth it to do that. It will give you peace of mind.
Best wishes and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Youre doing great here. Yes, this is difficult Id recommend you cutting out mutual friends by blocking emails, facebook, and telephone numbers. Sometimes that needs to be done especially if its your own personal well being in jeopardy. Last thing anyone on this board wants to see is you getting depressed. Thats good u sent him an email...you got your closure, now its time to go back and reason why things happened the way they did. Doing this, will help ease emotional pain. Right now, do not date at all. Your emotions are out of whack and youre not ready yet doll. Take some time to recover, stay busy, and work on making new friends. Also, make time for your girlies. Im sure theyd know how to cheer you up. Good luck :)
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