A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so here is my situation. My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years we have a 5 year old daughter. The first couple years were great but the middle was horrible. We got together at 19 and I made some mistakes in the relationship that I regret on the account that I was young and dumb. She has never forgiven me so things at this point are kind of rocky. I really love her and my daughter and desperately want to hold my family together. But here where it gets tricky. I have fallen head over heels in love with her cousin. I'm 27 and her cousin is only 18. I think about her 24/7 and cant get her off my mind. Her cousin is sort of a nerd but so was I when I was in high school. I haven't told her cousin my feelings yet. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the comments and I don't mind that you are harsh on me. I've been trying to fix my relationship for 4 years now. Its more complicated then that. I've been fallowing all her rules to get her to trust me again, like I'm not allowed to go out side, cant go on any computer with out her supervision. (witch I'm breaking now but this will be the first in 4 years). I'm not allowed access to my voice mail. She set all passwords on cell phones and computers so I don't know them. My phone is locked so I cant even make out going call except to her. In public I'm only allowed to look at her or at the ground. To insure I follow the rules she keeps a video camera on me at the house at all times. If I'm out of view of the camera I have to keep a digital recorder in my pocket on. I can go on and on. If I forget one. Even if its an honest mistake, she gets to whip me with a belt. I cant argue back or say anything even if she is in the wrong. Her cousin I have known for a very long time and she looks and acts very mature and sophisticated for her age. She does not like guys her own age because they are immature and stupid. My feelings started off as a crush about a year ago but have been getting stronger and stronger. We do a lot of things with the family and my girlfriend always pairs me off with her cousin. If my girl friend and I were to separate I would be the one taking our daughter to care for. So I'm not running form any responsibility. As far as getting something I'm not get with my girlfriend, your probably right on with that. I have only felt this strongly about someone once in my life, my first love. Some people strive there whole life to find someone they feel that way about. Should I not do anything? Should I let it go and risk never finding that again? Your right about the risk. She probably wont feel the same way I do. But I don't care if she does. I just want her to be happy. Theres 3 things that could happen. 1 she could be disgusted and tell my girlfriend. 2 she could be neutral and do nothing. 3 she could feel that same way.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 I think you only like her because you want to escape your own situation. She resembles you when you were that age, and you wish you were young and without responsibilities again.
You do know that even if she was to return your feelings, you'd still have to deal with your now girlfriend, and your child? This 18 year old is no escape.
Besides, the chances are low at you and her actually working out a successful relationship. I will be harsh on you, but you are about 10 years her senior, with a kid, and who's been with her own cousin for 7 years. Do you think that is attractive to her?
You might be a great catch, but not for this 18 year old girl who barely finished high school. Tell her your feelings? Absolutely not.
If you want out of the relationship then get out of the relationship. But don't drag the cousin into it or you will surely have a rampaging drama all over you within seconds. Deal with one relationship at a time! End the one you are in before thinking about entering another. The cousin will be the least of your worries once you start trying to organize who gets custody of your child.
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A
female
reader, crazy beautiful  +, writes (5 January 2011):
you're in lust, you haven't fallen for her.
you're craving the part of your relationship thats missing, and you're getting it from the cousin. the longing, the lust, the new exciting butterflies etc.
if you ack on this lust, you will regret it, because it has no substance and willhave no future.
get yourself into relationship counselling and fix your family.
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