A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married nearly 10 years and have two children, one 9 months after my wedding day! I have tried to keep the marraige together time after time. I know he loves me it is just we have nothing in common. He is as romantic as a brick and when I try and explain how I feel it turns into a ping pong match. He has never opologised for his actions and believes everything is my fault. I do not physically find him attractive. He is very cold and to be honest he is very spoilt. I tried to seperate but the kids were distraught. I went back. He has a drink problem and now it has changed to drugs. He is a successful businessman however we are always massively in debt and he sees no problem in that. I was quite wealthy when we met and now everything has gone and i have no independance financially which he relishes. What do I do now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): I would say definitely get out of that marriage. This man is an addicted person and has no respect for himself or you.
Your kids will adjust, even though it will be hard at firs.
You, and your children need some peace of mind.
He is also a poor role model for your children.
I have been there and it's better once you get out!!
Just get lots of support from family and friends,
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): There's no reason to stay in this marriage. It will not be beneficial to your children. He clearly has other things on his mind besides you. Since you two havev nothing in common it's better to split now so you and your children can have a better life. don't worry about the money you will make it up again. Life is way too short to stay in somehting like this. I know I was in it for 16 years. I can relate 100%. There is a chapter 2 - go for it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Oh sweetie..I feel for you, I truly do. I have been where you are, and its not a good feeling, or a pretty picture. You need to find the strength inside you (its there..I promise!) And end the marriage before it saps away everything that you ever were, or could be. Staying with him, isn't going to make the love return if he won't change. Do you have somewhere you can go? (Family, friends that you can turn to?)or at least be there for you emotionally? I know its hard, its soo hard to end a marriage, but sometimes that what you have to do in order to find yourself again. I did this. I know. I walked away from a 16 year marriage for the very same reasons as you. I was scared, terrified out of my mind, but I no longer loved my husband whose life had become nothing more than living from one drink to the next. I had lost who I was, I was miserable. It was a big step, but for me, it was the right one. Sometimes you just have to know when to walk away. Please be strong.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 February 2010):
You need to end it, no matter what. Even after leaving him he didn't change, and there is debt, drinking and his controlling behaviour. Go to this site.
citizensadvice.org.uk
find out where your nearest office is using the postcode finder and make an appointment to see them. They are free and can offer you advice as to what you are entitled to. You're married with kids, so he will have to maintain you legally whether he wants to or not. Also, get counselling for your children. The longer you stay with this man, the more your kids will see his behaviour and think it's right. You need to end it and be very strong for yourself.
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