A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I went out one night at the start of my relationship and I barely remember anything. I'd gone out with a few friends and end up in a club on my own. I got speaking to a guy and he walked me part way home. He ended up giving me his number but I had told him I had a boyfriend. I don't remember if I kissed him and stillSometimes see him on nights out - I live in a very small town. I can't bare the thought I have acted flirty with him that night. One night recently I began crying to him that we might have kissed and he toldMe we had and then he said we hadn't - he was very drunk. I started crying and said I'd cheated out loud and I know someone definitely heard me. I don't know whether to tell my boyfriend that I might have cheated or whether to keep it to myself. I fear he would definitely leave me if I told him. Please help.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 August 2017):
 Then perhaps you just need to be single while you sort out your drinking situations. You need to be able to go out without drinking and figure out why you have the habits you do at home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is I don't know if there is anything to own up too? I don't even go or anymore because of this problem
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 August 2017):
OP, own up to your boyfriend, whether the other guy does or not.
Also, seek help for your drinking habits in your hometown.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to add that the guy this potentially happened with has recently added my boyfriend on Facebook. They have been out and said hi on nights out on the past but now I am confused as to why they are now 'Facebook friends' I find it very odd and it unnerves me. Should I be worried? Why would he want to be able to see my boyfriends profile?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2017):
 It is great that you can control your drinking when in the city, but if you are not in control off it in your home town, then that leads me to think that you have a drinking problem. If you drink so much that you do not remember if you cheated then you need to stop drinking because you are putting yourself in great danger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much on your great of advice and help. What I've learnt from this is to sort my drinking habits. Of course I only drink socially, I'm not an alcoholic but do have the odd binge from time to time where I have gaps in memory. It causes me anxiety when I do drink alcohol and really seems not worth it. I have been out and been able to just have 'a few' drinks. It seems to be when I'm in my home town I am very care free but as soon as I go to the city I do watch my drinks a lot more and am aware I need to stay with friends x
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 March 2017):
 Do you get blind drunk every time you go out? If so, then THAT is your main problem, not whether you kissed someone or not.
If your boyfriend has such high stringent standards for how you behave while in a relationship with him, I don't rate your chances very highly of living up to his expectations. I hope HIS behaviour is beyond reproach.
As to the question of whether to tell your boyfriend about this, it sounds like you will lose him if you do so you need to decide whether you want to keep him (along with his moral standards). If you DO want to stay in this relationship, you need to keep this (possible) indiscretion to yourself. If anyone says anything (which is highly unlikely), just laugh it off and deny it.
Most importantly, keep a watch on your drinking.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 March 2017):
 Yes, it might for certain be over if you kissed, but you don't know that you kissed. You honestly can't remember. You were too drunk. You need to get your drinking under control, that's what I would take from this. But you don't know if it means the end of the relationship with your boyfriend. Each situation is different, and when faced with an actual scenario, he might react differently than what he said he would in theory. And you don't know if you kissed him or not. You need to determine for yourself what you believe happened, I think, before you talk to your boyfriend. Get your story straight, and don't change it mid-ways in the conversation. If you're going with "I don't know", then don't change it to "probably" afterwards. Decide first what is most likely. You might not have, if you honestly do not remember, in which case you should tell him that you do not remember.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): Keep your mouth shut and get your drinking under control. Anything could have happened to you while you were this drunk, really bad things so please don't let it happen again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe has always told me if I kissed it would definitely be over so I know for certain it would be x
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (6 March 2017):
Tell him. To maybe have cheated and not remember is one thing. To lie to him is definitely worse. Own your actions. If he leaves you because of this, then you will hopefully have learned that this isn't how you show respect for a partner in the future. Action has consequences. You can't just cover it up and lie about it and pretend it didn't happen. You're an adult now. If you are not mature enough to own your actions and take responsibility, then you shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with.
You need to define what sort of relationship you want, not just with your current boyfriend, but for the rest of your life. What type of relationships do you want? The ones where lying on a daily basis is OK? Or the ones where there is honesty and trust? Know that you can not expect honesty and faithfulness when you do not give it in return. If you want the good things, the good relationships with value, then you need to act your part and be a good person too. So start by being honest and telling him, and prepare yourself for the possibility that: yes, he might leave you over it. But he deserves to know what kind of person you are, and he deserves to make a decision on whether or not you are the kind of person he wants to be with. Don't rob him of that, because by so doing you are only making it worse. You are lying daily and faking who you truly are.
If you want someone to love YOU, then you need to be honest about your actions and who you are. Or else you're just putting on a show and being a fake. You decide what type of relationship you want, and if a FAKE relationship is really worth holding on to, or if you want a GENUINE relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): On a night out, you begin crying to him, that you can't remember what you did?
You need help beyond revealing to your boyfriend you might've could've possibly cheated by kissing somebody.
Take yourself immediately, as in today, tonight, right away, to an AA meeting. If you don't know what that is, it's time you learn. In the meantime you could also speak with your doctor about getting some help for your memory lapses due to excessive drinking.
So basically the bottom line for you is take care of the problem that is getting you into situations where you a) possibly cheat on your boyfriend and b) talk about possibly cheating on your boyfriend.
It's kind of weird! You need help, good luck getting it! And don't waver, go get that help!!
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 March 2017):
 You didn't cheat but please take this as a lesson to not drink with other men, to not be alone with strangers in the night and to never put yourself in a position where you might be in danger. And stop talking to this guy and giving him ideas about how he might use this incident against you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe has always told me if I kissed it would definitely be over so I know for certain it would be x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't spoken to this guy sober at all. I think he is just as unsure as me to be honest. He seemed it the night I asked him anyway. I know that he held my hand and i noticed it and dropped it. I have acted flirty with a couple of guys afterwards. But have never intentionally wanted to do anything just a bit more of a teasing way. I found it fun after drinking. Which is why I need to give up altogether. I try not to get black out drunk anymore because I scare myself. Me and my boyfriend have had difficult times to the point of breaking up and I've not known where we are going in the relationship. The last two months we have been getting on so much better. I want to be totally straight with him about everything. I know it will hurt him if I told him I have been flirtatious to the point of potentially kissing someone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): hmmm well a kiss may be a form of cheating but it is certainly not "all the way" fully cheating. I suggest you don't tell him and let this one go....then next time watch your alcohol more carefully and stay in control.
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (6 March 2017):
 Why don't you first determine for sure whether you kissed or not. Then determine if drunken kissing constitutes cheating in your relationship? Then determine what threshold of cheating constitutes a break up? Frankly, lot of women use the "drunk" card to justify their cheating but actions under influence of alcohol and drugs are, still your actions, something you are responsible for. In your case though, we still don't know whether you even kissed. One thing for sure is that you shouldn't drink around other men. Meanwhile, ask that guy not to spread rumors about things that he, himself is uncertain of. So, basically, take no action with your BF until it's very clear what transpired.
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male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (6 March 2017):
 This sounds look nothing at all to me, best forgotten about! My only advice though is to be more careful, you put yourself at risk being drunk and alone. x
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 March 2017):
 nope silence is golden
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): my dear,i do understand your plight but your act towards the new guy was'nt intentionally so do not feel bad.....And telling ur boyfriend is kindof hard are u sure if you tell him he won't break-up with you i would suggest you don't say anything to him.Thanks
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