A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years exactly (its our anniversary next week), and I don't think I love him anymore.We live together and have a "family" together -- a cat and dog. We have a lovely home together and are saving for out first house at the moment.We rarely see each other. I work in an office Monday-Friday 8-4.30 and he works in hospitality, Thursday-Monday and works nights. He is asleep when I leave for work and I'm asleep when he gets home. We try to spend time together but he's always exhausted.We very rarely have sex, maybe once a month. I believe this is because of the different hours we work. Because we have sex so little I get nervous with anticipation when it DOES happen and it sometimes feels unnatural and awkward to me. I've tried to talk to him several times about the fact that I am unhappy with our sex life but it never gets better. He says he never tries to initiate sex with me anymore because he always gets rejected -- he always gets rejected because he tries to initiate sex at 11.30 when he gets home from work, and I'm already asleep!I don't feel intimate with him anymore because we never have sex. We cuddle quite a lot, and we get on very well. We fight very rarely and barely ever seriously. It is very easy to be with him. He is very kind and loving and in general an amazing partner. This makes me feel so much more guilty for doubting my feelings for him.We have NONE of the same interests, none of the same friends. We try and do things together but there isn't anything we can both enjoy. It's always been this way but somehow we always made it work, because we were together, we didn't mind what we were doing. Now it seems glaringly obvious that we have nothing in common. He is very social and I am an introvert and would much rather hang out with the cat and dog! I am into doing things during the day and he is very lazy during the day (I think because of his sleeping pattern) and never wants to do anything when we do have time off together.It still hurts to think of him with another woman but I just don't feel anything when I look at him anymore. I love our home together and it's so easy to live with him, I don't want it to end but I can't help but think I'm holding on for the wrong reasons. He is so sweet and still loves me, I don't want to hurt him.I don't know whether I have fallen out of love with him, or whether we are just in a rut from never spending time together. We've talked about how hard it is to never see each other and he is thinking of changing professions so he can work somewhere with similar hours to me. I feel like he will resent me in the future if I let him change careers for me as he likes his job -- especially if it doesn't even end up making things any better.Any advice or support would be appreciated... I don't know what to do. :(Thanks agony aunts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2014): Two to three years is about the time-frame in which a woman loses interest in sex. It no longer gives her the high. She'll often be finding all kind of reasons for this (he comes for sex when it's too late, etc). But the guy feels so rejected that he tends to give up....
I've had similar experiences. It can be very heart-breaking for the guy to get constantly rejected.
A
female
reader, ramet-x  +, writes (29 October 2014):
 i think i can understand where you're coming from it wouldnt be fair for him to change a career and then you break-up what you should do is really analyse your feelings for him.As you said you might be holding on for the wrong reasons.Try being social a little and tell him to try and do the things you like.We are all diffrent from each but we always try to sarcrifice a little for the ones we love so go with him to partys meets his friends a little and he too should make a little sarcrife and be an introvet.I read some where that when me meet our soulmates we dont realize they are the ones since they like what we are not into.So try doing what he likes and vice versa and that way you get to spend more time together.You might be surprised by liking somethings he likes and him
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A
female
reader, Myra882  +, writes (29 October 2014):
I think there's nothing wrong with where u two currently stand. Life is not always exciting and fun. Many times it's mundane and boring. Love is not about good feelings of attraction. Its a choice to love the other person and look out for their wellbeing. You say you have a great guy...good guys are a dime a dozen especially in these times. if u truly love him just wait these mundane days. Times change. Boredom is not worth breaking up over. Cheers.
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A
female
reader, TJ14  +, writes (29 October 2014):
hi its k to feel that way. if u see long rlnships u tend to take the smaller things for granted. so dont lose hope. remember those moments and regarding ur sex patttern just wear something sexy and seduce him when uguys have an off and one day just surprise him when he gets back home. :) many a times opposites attract so dont worry.be optimistic. :)
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