A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. I love him more than anything in the world, and care about him immensely. We have an amazing amazing connection and are best friends. HOWEVER, 5 months ago he moved away for university. We agreed to stay together and I would move down asap. This will be happening in September.Being apart from eachother has been incredibly hard and draining, but we are still together and still in love. Whilst we have been apart we have fought a TON and wanted to just give up, etc etc.I'll cut to the chase. Here are the things I have done whilst we have been together. Tell or not tell, cheating or not cheating? Telling him would be the complete end, I know it's not something he would be able to get over. None of these boys ever meant anything, I don't drink anymore and I only have eyes for my boyfriend - period.1st - Number one was friends with my boyfriend. It happened the day we became 'official', kind of. It was after a long period of bf stuffing me around and I was kind of in between these two boys. This is the worst mistake I have ever made. We kissed, fooled around and ALMOST slept together but I just couldn't do it and called the bf straight away and told him everything. The next day he went to cairns and hooked up with two girls. This still comes up in fights a year later, sometimes.2nd - I was incredibly wasted after a huge fight where boyfriend told me he didn't love me/want me/had cheated on me, blah blah. As soon as my lips touched the other boys I pulled away and have no spoken to him since. Oh and it turns out one drunken night the exact same thing happened to boyfriend, which was the cheating he told me about in the fight.3rd - Wasted, after a fight in which we broke up, only held hands. Cut him out completely the next day.4th - I broke up with him before kissing another boy. Boyfriend also kissed another girl the night we broke up, turns out he was having a thing with this girl. We got back together the next day. Oh and I was drunk. Boy is now cut out of my life.5th - More of an emotional one, although we did not talk much. We held hands and pecked on the lips. Boyfriend knows about holding hands. Cut out of life completely.WHISLT NOT OFFICIAL AND IN THE PERIOD OF WHICH HE WAS STUFFING ME AROUND.1 - Drunk, kissed some boy, haven't seen him since.2 - Drunk and don't remember, kissed a few boys at a gathering, boyfriend knows. 'You cheated on me with a whole party!!!', I hear during fights.3 - Drunk, only kissed.I've never done anything more than kiss another boy (except for number one, which is my biggest regret). I love my boyfriend so very much and I know nothing else will happen. I don't drink, I don't talk to other men, I'm not even physically attracted to anyone else.What do I do?I think maybe this was more of something to clear my conscience. I feel like scum.
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best friend, broke up, cheated on me, drunk, got back together, kissing, period, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): I was with someone exactly like this.
Its horrible.
Honey,As horrible as it is to say,your not in love if you still feel the need to kiss other people,sometimes kisses mean so much more that sex.
You both need to break up,and move on.Relationships like this NEVER end in a happy ending.Unless you both got to a place where you FULLY want to commit to each other,Leave him in the past.Your just hurting each other,and the cheating will come back to haunt you.
Guarenteed.
You both need to grow up and really think about what you want.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Kissing counts as full blown cheating to him? Thank god he's not french eh?It sounds like he's cheated on you a lot more than him - and had full on sex with different women. Plus the fact that you are now scared of talking to other boys shows signs of an abusive relationship (mentally not physically). I'd get out while you can before you loose all your independence.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Although you cheated, you pulled back before the sex. To often the one who cheats will let it go all the way.
Sounds like you both need to talk. Come clean, and him too. The problem I see is these things happening when you're fighting. This says you really need a better way of dealing with these fights. Leading up to holding hands and kissing, something needs to change.
If you two were to stay together. I believe both of you need to come clean and start new. Holding this in is only going to make you feel worse than it would for you both to be honest with each other. Lying and cheating is not a good foundation for a relationship, so to eliminate that foundation, it's time to start fresh.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (8 August 2009):
 you seem to easily excuse your behavior by saying all you did was kiss, you never spoke to him again etc.Your a young woman you have faults, so you went a stray a few times it happens you should be able to tell your bf this and he should be able to accept it and get over it if not then you shouldnt be with this guy.can you see your self marrying this man do you see as future with him. you need closure on these issues either confess to him, or forget about it and move on
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have spoken to him, and he says nothing that has happened in the past matters and that he (and I) are focused on the future and on us.I would never hurt him intentionally, and will never do anything like this again. When I get drunk and we fight I drink until it gets to the point where i don't rememeber anything and have to ask the people I'm with what I have done! I of course no longer drink.He is the most important and amazing person in my life, and I love him with all I am.
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