A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need to bounce this senario of you. What do you think is happening or what I should say or do about it? My girlfriend of 5 months goes out with work friends once or twice a month, problem is I don't know who they are, or where she goes. To make it worse, all communication ends with her after about 10pm.Don't know what to make of it... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 It is called a ladies night out.
She goes out and let her hair down and have fun .Then she comes back and refreshed. It is like a R & R for her.
She would not want you to come with her as it will not make her feel free.
If she wants to divulge her secrets, you listen . You may inquire where she goes or who her friends are.
That is all you can do. You accept it as part of her life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): I would go out with your mates pretty soon and cut off all communication with her by 9pm - see whether this helps. I find it a bit weird because I would always always text my boyfriend (I'm 35) to say I am back safely - even if its 3am - just so he knows and we can keep loving contact going. Its not clingy - it is showing you care and being respectful. He does not think I'm cheating but he is bothered if he hears nothing at all.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (2 March 2008):
 Go out with your friends and enjoy yourself, stop worrying about what she gets up to. She is entitled to go out and have fun once in a while.
How about you all arrange to go out in a group one night?, that way it will put your mind at rest of what company she keeps too. Do not come across to her as clingy, or she will get fed up and you will lose her for good. Dusky xxx.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 You should go out with your friends ONCE or TWICE a month. But ask her maybe once if you can meet her friends. If she says yes, then I wouldnt worry too much it about unless she's giving other reasons to worry. If she says no, Then don't worry at all, and get yourself a new girlfriend.ITS THAT SIMPLE!
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A
female
reader, onlinecounsellor_Dale  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 HiI would encourage you to talk to your girlfriend about your concerns, but do not 'demand' (or even ask) her to change her behaviour at this point. Such a request would be premature and motivated by your own fears and insecurities, which may not be warranted. You could also express an interest in learning more about your girlfriend's workplace and the friendships which she has there. Knowing more about the people she is close to and who she chooses to socialise with, may help you to feel less threatened. If she is unwilling to talk to you, you may want to explore this further with her and let her know the effect that being 'kept in the dark' is having on you. You mention that on the nights your girlfriend goes out, communication ceases after 10pm. What makes this significant for you i.e. what interpretation are you putting on it? Do you normally communicate after 10pm when you are not spending the night together? Finally, remember that happy and healthy relationships are based on trust; mutual regard and respect; and a balance of individual and shared interests. To ensure that your relationship has qualities, your best bet is to first adopt such attitudes; extend them to your partner; and wait for her to reciprocate them.Good Luck!Dalewww.daleecounsel.com.au
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (2 March 2008):
Are you worried shes going to cheat?
People often fear the unknown, so I thikn its understandable how you are feeling. You dont know what shes doing or who shes going with (thats the unknown) and your fearing what may happen arent you?
Have you asked her at all who she goes out with and where? You could just say the next day after she goes out, how was your night? where did you go and what did you and your friends get up to? its not bieng nosy, its being interested in her life.
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A
female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (2 March 2008):
 Okay i don't want to be mean but no one like a clingy man, your girlfriend going out with friends once or twice a MONTH, So what if she does she a grown woman, let her have space to enjoy herself. Why don't you stop worrying what she's doing and just have a bit of lad night out instead.
You need to learn to trust her, because 5 months into a realtionship is way to early to be turning into a obsessive jealous man.
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A
female
reader, casper07 +, writes (2 March 2008):
First off i would like to say that i think it is healthy for people in realtionships to still go out with friends without their other half every once in awhile but if you are worried about what she is doing and who she is doing things with than maybe you should ask if it would be cool if you joined in one night and join in on the fun. Just show that you are interested in her friends and would like to get to know them yourself.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I say give her space. It gets pretty old when a boyfriend is bugging you when you're going out. If she seems like the type of person who will cheat, then she's cheating. You gotta trust her. You go out when she's going out and then you won't be so bothered by it.
X
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