A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have just gone through a divorce after 16 years of marriage. I met this guy that is also going through a divorce. We started talking for a couple of months. We had a good relationship then we had a argument and things never went back to how they were. Well he told me that we needed 2 go our seperate ways and maybe date other people. That was hard for me to do. He would still call, text me and we would still go to each others house. He wanted to talk to me one day about something that had happened. He told me that he had slept with this girl and she is saying that she is pregnant for him. He apologized for what he did and wanted to know if i would stay with him. He wanted to be with me and he realizes that now. He promised that he would not hurt me again. I agreed to work things out. Well now he tells me that he still loves his soon to be ex wife and he can't give me what i want. This was so devastating to me after he promised he would not hurt me again. He says that he don't know why he feels like he does but he doesn't understand why his wife walked out and left him like she did. He has not talked to her in over 5 months. He works out of town and he would call me everynight. Well now he tells me that he is gonna leave me alone. I did text him and i told him how he has hurt me and how he lied to me. Well he did not text me back and he did not call me for almost a week. Usually i would of called him but i didnt. All of a sudden he text me and says hey and how was i doing. He also said that we could be friends. Well he ended up staying the night. I am so confused i dont know what he wants and i dont think he knows either. I feel like i am being used but then again i just dont know. I feel like if he didnt have feelings for me he would stay away because he can always go out and find someone else. Should i just walk away and leave him alone which is hard to do or should i just wait and see what happens. I have tried to go out with other people but when i am with them all i think about is him. So what should i do? So confused? It is hard being just friends with him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): This guy is using you.
A
female
reader, Fate100percent  +, writes (12 July 2011):
He doesn't know what he wants, his head seems all over the place tbh!I think he probably has feelings for you, but divorcing has messed him up. He (and you) could probably do with a few months on your own, to get used to being 'unmarried' so to speak.Can you agree to nc for a month/two months or something and meet up for a coffee or something in an agreed time to see how you both feel? Staying friends with someone you love/loved cannot happen overnight! It's too hard and confusing! You will read into every text/phone call you have etc.I think you need to give him a bit of space and then meet up, you never know, you might even change your mind about wanting him in this time? Nc just gives you both a bit of breathing space to figure out what you both really want :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u for the response. That is what i am trying to do is to get over him. I was doing so good last week by not calling him at all because he said he was going to leave me alone and i believed him. Then he is texting me out of the blue and like u said being vunerable i gave him. I just feel like i am on my way to a break down. I needed to read your response because everything u said is corect. Thanks a lot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): I'm sorry for what you are going through at the moment. My honest opinion is that you are very vulnerable having recently
become single after a long relationship and you need to put an end to this 'relationship' and focus on yourself for a while. I agree this man doesn't know what he wants and you are acting as a support mechanism rather than a partner for him. He will keep coming and going as long as you leave your door open. The reason he keeps contacting you is because he needs someone and need isn't the same as love.
You deserve a partner who is healthy and is going to treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
Try not to have any contact with him at all. I would arrange some counselling if I were you (I've been in a similar situation so know how you feel-I wasted 5 years in a 'relationship' of this nature). The counselling will help you to come to terms with the end of your marriage and regain some confidence. You will then be free to love and live a full life with someone who is your equal and who values you.
Good luck and we're here for you if you need to talk.
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