A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I split up in February after just over 4 years of being together. I have a son (12) from my previous marriage and he has two sons 13 and 17). We didn't live together so the split wasn't messy. My feelings for him changed last summer and when he was on holiday, I really didn't miss him. I told him how I felt and the relationship somehow continued until just before Christmas when we split up. He really wanted to make another go of it and we got back together in January - only to split again a month or so later. I don't know what changed within me - I felt our relationship was a habit more than anything. Also, I didn't really see a future for us together - we are so different in respect of our working lives and also socially really. I like doing different things. My son and I like travelling - the world is such a big place - he likes going to the same place in Scotland every year. He likes watching football religiously - I will watch now and then but can't rule my life round it. I'm not saying anything he does is wrong - it just doesn't seem to be for me anymore.Anyway, we split up in February which was my decision. Since then, he's contacted me a few times and wanted to sort things out between us.We have seen each other a few times over the last few weeks and I somehow started to question whether I'd done the right thing in ending the relationship, yet, deep down I still think I have. I feel like it would be the easy option to go back but not necessarily the right option.I know his feelings for me have changed over the months we've been apart and to a degree he has now got over the split yet he still cares for me greatly and still wants us to try and get back what we once had. I know he's a really nice guy but water has passed under the bridge now and I really think my feelings for him have faded too much - especially as I had my doubts way back last summer.Has anyone else felt the same? Many thanks.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 You have definitely done the right thing by moving on. Some relationships just aren't meant to be, they simply fall short of the mark. You now have the ability to meet the man of your dreams and I'm sure that you will. Good luck honey.
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (11 July 2007):
 You sound much like my ex-girlfriend. Towards the end she felt like our relationship was just a ruitine (granted, we lived 200+ miles away from eachother); texting same time every day, talking same time every night. Unfortunately for us there was no other way around only to text a different times/talk less often ect. We split before we really got to try it out.
The only thing I can really suggest is that you try and involve him in things you want to do. Even with the holiday, try to convince him to travel elsewhere with them as opposed to Scotland. Fair enough, you could go to Scotland now and again, but I completely agree with you! There's way too much to see anyway, so why not see all that you can??
As for football, yes watch things that he enjoys, but time and again, let him miss a match or so, surely he doesn't watch teams he doesn't even support(?) (I'll note that if he is only watching 1 team he supports, he probably isn't watching it THAT often) If he does, he should miss it, and spend time with you and your kids. Go out for a meal or something!
So to sum it up, my advice is; Involve him in things you do, go see the world together with the family, take an odd trip to Scotland (it's a very odd place, after all :p) Watch football with him and make him miss a few games with family time. I suppose the situation boils down to compromise. It's a shame when there has to be so many compromises in a relationship, but it could hold the key to easing out the problems.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Yep. It's completely natural. Some people fall out of love.
If this is what you feel, you'd make a mistake if you went back to him; it would only add to the pain later. If you're civil to each other as things are now, well, apply the old principle that "if it ain't broken it needs no fixin'".
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