A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a sex problem and I really don't want to be graphic but I need help all the same. I hope the moderators won't censor my question. I don't know the difference between a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal one. Whenever I've had orgasms from sex, they've all been during penetration. It takes time for me to have one and I often have to think of other things in order to get one. It doesn't happen every time I have sex. I've never had anyone go down on me or touch my clitoris during sex.I masturbate often. I don't touch my privates while doing so. I did try touching my clitoris but nothing happens. But when I clench the muscles of my thigh and vagina, I orgasm quickly. I usually orgasm within 30 seconds when I'm on my own. My questions:1) Am I abnormal?2) How would I know whether I'm having vaginal orgasms or clitoral orgasms?I'm sorry for the language, but I really couldn't make it more appropriate.
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clitoris, muscle, orgasm, vagina Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): I doubt you're abnormal, but at any rate you're not alone. My wife has orgasms easily through penetration. She can achieve these very quickly, whereas to get the "big O" via _external_ clitoral stimulation takes far longer.The commonly accepted perception is that 'vaginal' orgasms originate from the G Spot. There is much dispute about the nature of the G Spot as not all women seem to possess one. However, scientists seem increasingly convinced that it is simply the internal part of the clitoris and not a seperate entity, and is possibly just larger and more accessibly positioned in those women who are able to climax during penetrative sex.As other posters have pointed out, 'vaginal' and 'clitoral' orgasms are just like different sides of the same coin. Nothing to stress over.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"I wonder, if I were to guess, I'd bet that you have been able to orgasm that way from a very young age!"- That's true. I somehow never liked to touch myself down there. I don't think it's dirty. I just don't get much feeling from doing that."If you clench your thighs and PC muscles to masturbate, can you do that during sex?"-I can't do that much because it squeezes my partner's penis far too hard and hurts him. And I have no idea why I have to think of other things during sex but unless I do, I never reach orgasm. I don't think of other men. I think of my partner doing other things which I wouldn't want him to do in reality. It probably has its roots in the eroticisation of violence against women that happens all too often in patriarchy. Or even a remnant of the trauma of rape. But that's how it is. Thank you for all the helpful answers. I'm glad I'm not abnormal!
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 There is no difference. Vaginal orgasms are still clitoral orgasms, either from hitting the back of the clitoris or from indirect friction/stimulation from the movement. There is nothing wrong with you, you're very lucky that you can reach orgasm so quickly when you masturbate! Even more than that, less than a quarter of women can orgasm from penetration, and you are in that category! Lucky you!
There's nothing wrong with having to concentrate or think of other things to have an orgasm during sex, I'm the same way. Though it's not really fair to your partner to think of other men, so you should try to think of him. I make a really big point to always think of him. If you clench your thighs and PC muscles to masturbate, can you do that during sex? It might help you get there faster and more reliably.
There's no harm in experimenting either, having your partner try rubbing your clitoris or going down on you. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. No harm done. But there's nothing wrong with you, an orgasm is an orgasm.
Also the entirety of YouWish's post rocks.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 I'm a bloke so i don't know but I do know something. My ex-wife had a clitoral orgasm every time we had sex once we got to know each other. I suspect you have the other kind but whether the one kind feels better than the other kind is only for each woman to know. I am happy if my woman is happy. take what you can get and be thankful.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 There's no difference. Freud thought there was , and his theories have heavily influenced the thinking and methodological approach to research of his contemporaries, and followers for years and years to come. But that was over 100 years ago. In the meantime, heaps of research have proven him wrong.
An orgasm is an orgasm . No matter how obtained.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 May 2012):
 1. You are totally NOT abnormal! There are, sadly, way too many women who have never experienced orgasm on any scale through any means. You can reach it, which is awesome! I wonder, if I were to guess, I'd bet that you have been able to orgasm that way from a very young age!
2. Clitoral orgasms vs. vaginal orgasms are a myth conceived by Sigmund Freud in 1905 when he postulated that a clitoral orgasm was an "immature" exercise, and that when a woman reached puberty and beyond, a "mature" orgasm was one achieved vaginally through pure penile penetration.
Pure and utter excrement.
Needless to say, Sigmund Freud made millions of women's sex lives a virtual lifetime of hell and anxiety, and for that reason alone, I hope that squirrels are gnawing on his penis in whatever afterlife he found himself in.
There *is* no clitoral vs. vaginal orgasm. It all originates through the clitoris, which has nerve endings that tendril out from the clitoris are responsible for the G Spot orgasms. It stimulates the clitoris in an oblique way, causing the orgasmic feeling. There are very few nerve endings in the vagina itself. The clitoris merely isn't simply the "nub" that we see. The network of nerves extend into the labia from that center. The G Spot is a lot like the base of the penis in a guy. Some guys can stimulate and tighten the base of the shaft in such a way as to create a seemingly "hands free" orgasm. Trust me, they wouldn't consider that more "mature" than a full on stimulation.
In fact, the very word "foreplay" is a crock of excrement as well, suggesting that any sexual touching or play is merely a prelude to the penis/vagina intercourse. No way! If a woman has her orgasm through hands, oral, or any other stimulation outside of the "intercourse", that's totally great. Most women don't have an orgasm through vaginal penetration. But I digress.
Some women don't orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation, finding it to be too sensitive. They, like you, enjoy clenching the thighs or tightening their PC muscles. I personally have reached orgasm in the manner you've talked about, as well as direct clitoral stimulation and a number of other ways I've tried and loved! The sensations vary in "flavor", but face it! An orgasm is an orgasm!
So don't worry one second about that stupid vaginal vs. clitoral. It's *all* clitoral! Keep exploring! There's nothing whatsoever abnormal or wrong with you!
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