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I don't know the cause of his shut down.

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 January 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 21 January 2012)
A female United States age 36-40, *weetheart1nonly writes:

I recently met this guy late last year like November who according to me, we were friends then perhaps began dating but he wanted a full relationship with me being his girlfriend which I accepted this January. We had a small misunderstanding with me not acknowleging him on my BBM and he felt I was putting some pics that would attract men which they were not that serious but I removed them because of him.

After he had asked me if I loved him and I said yes and the pictures incident, I have noticed him shut down. He doesn't call or text me as much as he used to and when I saw him on one occasion, I asked him why and he said he wanted to see if as his girl I missed and loved him. I thought after confirming that I did, things would change but I'm still noticing the shut down.

I don't know what to do, If i should just ignore him quietly or what would be the best thing for me to do?

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A female reader, Aunty Anne United Kingdom +, writes (21 January 2012):

in that case i think you know what you should do already...if he isnt taking this seriously enough or he thinks you have sussed out the way he is playing silly games then i think its time to move on and find someone who you can have a 'normal' relationship with. dont waste parts of your life on people who are a losing battle....lifes too short. good luck

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A female reader, sweetheart1nonly United States +, writes (20 January 2012):

sweetheart1nonly is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks all, I asked him though and even asked him if we should break up because the mind games are getting too far. He didn;t say anything to that and just sent a hug emoticon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012):

he sounds very controlling and perhaps he has problems with him feeling insecure. dont let him walk all over you and you end up doing everything he asks just because he wants it or he doesnt like it. be strong. dont let him play mind games with you.maybe he is taking the relationship too far ahead too soon? . the best thing to do is talk about it,letting him know your feelings and asking why he thinks he needs to 'back off' to make you go after him,also let him know that playing silly games wont work and if he wants the relationship to work he has to communicate with you about whats bothering him.good luck

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (19 January 2012):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi,

I think your boyfriend is a little insecure person and he seems to have trust issues, why I say that? For instant, picture incident? He didn't like them, so it means: jealousy, insecurity, controlling. When you asked him why he was distance? He said, he was testing you? Why he needs to test you or play games to make sure that you really like him? The relationship is fairly new, to me the beginning of a relationship is the best part, everything is new and exciting. You are getting to know each other and it should be fun, not so much tension... Instead of testing you, he should put his energy getting to know you better, have fun and be happy to have someone new in his life. This is only my point of view, I could be wrong. I hope things get better and hope you can make the right decision.

Good luck/best wishes

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