A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been going out for about 10 months and we intend to have a future together and working on it. We are in our early thirties. We are at the dating stage, living separately, and intend to move in together when the time is right.I have a few things I want to get out of my mind relating to her past.When we first met, she told me about her ex Chris, and they broke up because he was moving to another time for a job, he asked her to join him but she didn't want to, and she told me it was about 6 months ago. She told me at the time that she missed him.A few months after the relationship, I found out from her mum that they were really a couple in a relationship, just friends hanging out for a drink and he mum told me she normally went to his place for a drink for few hours then come home. I then asked her if Chris is just your drink buddy and f-buddy. She said no, she never have a drink with him and she is nobody f-buddy and got upset.The reason this becomes an issue for me, is that I was told different things at different time. If she said, that's her past and asked me not to mention it, I will respect that. But this is not the case. Should you to upfront and honest about your past and the person you are with?I saw a photo of her dressing up nicely for a ball a month after we met and I asked her who did she go with, she said with her cousin. And, I asked that question another two times a few months after that and I was told it is the cousin. One time, there's a photo folder on her laptop and I clicked on it (I used her laptop with her permission) and saw the photo of her with her ex, at the same place, in the same dress, kissing. I asked her and she said it is her ex- Michael. I then said I asked her before and she said it is her cousin. She said she was confused about which photo I was mentioning.So guys and girls, I know the past is the past and I can accept that. What I find it hard to accept is, being told lies and half truth even though it is the past. Should I approach her and talk about it? I mean shouldn't you should expect a bit of honesty in your relationship?Should I let it slide because it is the past? The past is a good prediction for future behaviour too.Or maybe it is a woman thing - they don't like to talk about their ex- and their sexual experiences.Can you guys please shed some lights for me?
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broke up, cousin, her ex, her past, kissing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mr. Smith  +, writes (23 January 2012):
M friend do not get foold, she is lying!!! I do suggest that you cut off all ties with her and simply walk away. No need to be disrespectful. Rather hurt for a while than to live in pain the rest fo your life.
Ps; If youby any chance have intimacy with her...never foget your protection!!! No need to have babies popping out of geting sick with an STD
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): If she slept with another guy last night then it's in the past. Is it not relevant anymore?
She's a liar. And it sounds like she is lying about things that DO matter. Going out with exes while you are together is not "little white lie" by any stretch.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (19 January 2012):
 If you ask someone something and they deliberately lie to your face - they're liars. Sure you can ponder why she told you lies, or make excuses like "it's her past and she is not comfortable discussing it". The fact of the matter is: a lie is a lie.
Sometimes you need to take things at face value. Your girlfriend likes to lie and she has done it a few times (and who knows what else she lied or will lie about). If she didn't want to discuss her ex with you, she would have told you, but that's not what happened.
She is lying to you because she went out and was kissing her ex after you met. Chances are she is still seeing him on the side, or is not over him. When you started to date, she told she still missed her ex. This should have been your cue to run for the hills.
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