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female
age
36-40,
*weetybird
writes: I had the perfect relationship with a great guy who I could see myself with long term as we had the same goals and wants out of life and a relationship as well as several things in common, but it all fell apart. We used to be so happy together both wanting to be with and spend time together as well as talking all the time about pretty much everything. We were both truly happy with things and the way that they were, problem was I could be a bit critical sometimes and come off as complaining about things which in turn made him feel bad. He told me to open up and tell him when things were bothering me so I would thinking it would help us and our relationship, but instead it made him feel as though I wasn't happy with him or us which made him withdraw. That was the last thing I wanted of course, I had no idea I was making him feel that way especially since I was very happy but anyway instead of giving him some space I made things worse by becoming an emotional wreck from his withdrawal! I started texting him like crazy wanting to talk about things all the time because I felt bad and I thought that if he knew how I felt that it would help us get past the issue and move on but it didn't. Instead, he got tired of me saying the same things over and over and blowing up his phone about the issues so we decided to take a break. That also didn't help as we would talk occasionally and then get into the same issues again. We have now broken up but I know he still cares about me and thinks we need space, I just don't know if this breakup will be permanent and how do I go about getting him back? Please help!
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (12 November 2010):
I'm actually going through the same thing right now. As much as it hurts, I've told myself that the break up is permanent so that I can move on from it while she figures her life out. Maybe someday she'll come back to me, realizing how much love I had to give and how supportive, kind and gentle I always was, but I'm not banking on it.
Even though it sucks, I recommend moving on (as in emotionally, not going and getting with another guy) Just keep being yourself and being the person you were made to be. If after time he realizes how great you were and comes back, you can decide if you're willing to try again and forgive the past. If he doesn't realize how great you were, its his loss and won't matter since you've moved on.
It really is the best solution, even if it is the hardest. In the end you'll be stronger for it. Hanging around in that gray area of "Are we going to get back together? Does he/she still care? Maybe she'll/he'll come back to me," will just kill you on the inside. Move on with your life and be strong. Don't change who you are, but find something else to focus on.
A
female
reader, tweetybird +, writes (11 November 2010):
tweetybird is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice both of you, I'm staying strong and will not contact him.
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A
female
reader, audrey21  +, writes (11 November 2010):
Could not agree with u more i am going through the same thing so similar it freaked me out reading this. My ex has pulled away so NO contact the person who wrote before me is so right!
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A
female
reader, kalykush +, writes (11 November 2010):
 I am sorry you are going through this. Sadly the advice I am going to give you may not make you happy...
I went through the exact same thing. I pushed my bf because i thought talking about it would make us stronger when i sensed him pulling away. infact pushing the issues only drives him farther away my dear...
if you are on a break or broken up , do not call or text him. doing so will make you seem desperate and as if you have lost all your self control and respect for yourself. you need to leave him be let all the issues be
if it truly was love he will come back but there is no time frame on this. if you are serious about getting him back... dont make the mistakes i made... do not contact him. if he contacts you frist respond only to the question I.E. HIM: How are you doing? YOU: I am ok... do not tell him you miss him and want to be back together. again it will drive him away from you. he is checking to see how you are not what you want. trust me he KNOWS what you want.
I hope this helps.
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