A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if I'm afraid of committment in general or if I'm afraid to commit to my boyfriend. We've been together for just over two years and although I've had little doubts about our future I always managed to work it out (nothing bad on his part, just me wanting the 'perfect' man, me being indecisive, etc).We live together and I know that he wants a future with me (marriage, etc). I thought I wanted those things too but now I'm not too sure. I feel trapped and scared of what I have gotten myself into. It would be easy to just keep going as we are but I want to figure out what my problem is so that I don't lead him on and cause him more pain and hurt in the future.I'm 28 and he's my first serious boyfriend so I don't have anything to compare him to or to realise just how good I have it with him. I'm scared to stay and I'm scared to leave. I also feel that I'm at an age where I should be thinking about settling down so I feel there's an urgency with all this.Do I have a problem with committing to my bf or of committing in general? The last thing I want to do is break things up, end up with someone else and in a few years have the same 'trapped' feelings.What do you think?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 March 2012):
 This is a wild guess, but I'd say you are afraid of committing to him.
This is a bit like the " I am not ready for a relationship " thing, if you hear that , it only means they are not ready for a relationship with YOU.
I think that " fear of committment " is a just a popular myth, disproved by everyday experience. When people fall in love and feel the have met "the one "- whether it's truth or illusion- they are literally raring to commit, against all practical odds of distance,money, age race background differences,health etc.etc. Wild horses would not drag them away, they LONG for committment, in case their object of desire may slip through their hands, and they push for committment even when rationally and logically they know it may not be such a great idea and the relationship is quite likely to fail...eventually. But in the here and now, they want nothing more than to call dibs on the loved one and deter any possible competition.
If you don't feel this way,...there must be some reason, and probabaly your subconscious is trying to warn you : what, apparently and in theory, is an excellent match, and ,on paper , has any chance of happily ever after... is not what deep down you really want, it's not your true heart's desire. As good as you are having it with him, you are not honouring your true self.
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