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female
age
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anonymous
writes: I don't know if I should leave my marriage. We have no fun. No sex, no good times, nothing. No adultery, or drinking, or beating what seem to be the only valid reason, to leave a marriage.It is a dilemma, because, why would I leave, if I'm not abused? Yet, I'm totally unhappy. My husband don't want sex for some reason, and he also don't want to do anything else for fun. What am I supposed to do? Stay? What will happen to us, if we stopped having sex so early? I heard there are many people who are active in their 60's. But sex isn't the only thing, there is no joy. I'm so panicked. It's worse than abuse on some ways. As there is not enough reasons to pack, and take on all risk what will be coming with that choice. I'm a very responsible person, we have kids too, but clearly don't know what to do in this situation. Can you suggest anything? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, magicgal  +, writes (23 May 2011):
Hi, I have the exact same problems as you. I was looking on this site to see if anyone else was feeling as I do. It is amazing reading how you feel. My life is not abusive in any way at all and I feel guilty about thinking about if I should leave because I am not abused. But my life is so empty and sad. I stay depressed all the time. I have been married 6 years and I do know life is not supposed to be this way. We do not even hold hands any more. It is always what he wants. He is nice to me and not hateful, but absolutely no affection in any way. It hurts me so bad. Sometimes I just want to be held so much. I know he loves me but I need to be touched and I don't know how much longer I plan on staying this way. I have put up with this for over 2 years now. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, helpjayne  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 sit down calmly with him and tell him that you feel your marriage is becoming empty. i'm sure deep down you both love eachother you just have to find ways of getting that spark back. as for your sex life maybe he has a problem have you tried asking him about it? tell him that things have to change, from the sounds of things your feeling unappreciated and bored so both sit down and ask yourselves if you both want this marriage to continue you can still be great parents to your children seperated. if the answer is yes it's simple get a good babysitter and go for a meal once a week or book yourself into a hotel for the weekend or go to exciting places and have fun. don't stay in an empty marriage sort it out or get a divorce. put some more passion into your sex life ask your husband his fantasys and have fun that way, maybe he's feeling just as unappreciated as you are. try and talk about this
hope i helpd
x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): You need to talk to your husband, find out why he doesn't want sex or fun, he could be depressed and need some help. Whatever it is it will be better to talk about it than just to leave. Marriages go through ups and downs and you didn't just marry him for the ups did you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): well, in my opinion, your question is beyond internet forum capability...for a proper opinion, i would need a lot more detail- whether you were happy before, any reasons for lack of activity that you can think of, how was it before, whats has your husband been up to lately...
so, that being said, if you are completely miserable in your current predicament, well, how sever is it? is there hope, have you had difficulties of such nature?
if you feel its hopeless, then what you had said is more then enough to walk away. life is too short to life it miserably. consider the efect on you kids, and remember that terminaly unhappy parent makes more damage to kids health then a divorce does.
i wouldnt suggest therapy, but i would suggest lots, LOTS, of introspection for you. consider what do you want, what he wants, and whats your marriage based on. and how were things in the past. im a firm believer that what was once there can be regained. good luck, you're not the only one.
and whatever you do, think through it good, but follow your heart.
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A
female
reader, Desired23 +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Have you talked to your husband about any of this? Sounds like you two need to sit down and figure out what you can do for eachother. See about setting up a night for just the two of you to go out, or stay in and do something together. Really get down to what will make the two of you happy. A little conversation can go a long way, let me know how things work out. ^_^~Des
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reader, yum yum  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 I can understand how you are feeling. It is not good for your over all well being if you don't have sex nor any good times and no fun. In my opinion these are deffinitly valid reasons for getting a divorce. However it is imporant to give an appropriate explanation to your children. You do not need to feel guilty if you divorce him. You have good reasons. Take care!
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female
reader, namonaihito +, writes (14 November 2008):
You haven't talked to your husband yet, have you? You need to. If he doesn't know that you are unhappy, he can't change. If he doesn't know that you're unhappy enough to leave, then you haven't been talking to him enough. All relationships are based on communication. You need to communicate first. Then, if he is unwilling or unable to help you work together to fix things, then you maybe should leave.That decision depends on several factors. How old are your kids? How will your quality of life be affected? Do you have to leave to make things happy for yourself again, or is he willing to allow you to stay while doing what you need to make yourself happy? There are lots of questions, but you will not be able to answer any of them without talking to your husband first.--namonaihito
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