A
female
age
41-50,
*nelos
writes:I have been with myboyfriend for one year last month. During that year I found out that he was emailing his stripper ex girlfriend and telling her how much he needed her and she would write back the same, never mind that she was MARRIED. I dont know if I have something wrong with me, but I think mentally cheating on someone is way messed up. Anyways, I found out recently that they had been talking and he got secret email addresses just to "spite" me. Even though he never physically did anyhting, he kept lying to me....What should I do about this?
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female
reader, anelos +, writes (27 February 2007):
anelos is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for all of your advice! It really gave me some insight and I really appriciate it!!!
A
female
reader, Farris  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 You should talk to your boyfriend, but considering he's going behind your back to "spite" you, I think that the result isn't going to be great.
Tell him that you know about him cheating (on your feelings... Obviously don't accuse him with anything more, because you don't know anything more) and ask him why he's doing it. If he shows NO REMORSE at all, then tell him to leave.
If he's genuinely sorry, then you should explain that emailing his ex like this is NOT on, but if you feel you can give him another chance, then do so. Catch him doing it again in any form and he's out of there.
DO NOT be treated as if you're second best.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, luvme247 +, writes (27 February 2007):
 I don't think that is mentally cheating. I think that is just cheating! Don't put up with it. If I were you I would talk to your husband and give him the option to end communication with her, or you are leaving him. If he says he will end it with her, make him email her in front of you & make sure he adds to the email that you will call her husband if either of them send another email. Well, thats what I'd do anyways ;) Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 February 2007):
Your bf isnt being what a bf should be...loyal & honest. Even if he hasnt actuallly cheated on you phsyicaly, doing what hes doing is just as bad and isn't acceptable. You should not let this happen or put up with it. Try talkign to him about how its making you feel, and ask him why hes doing it. If he manages to understand how you are feeling and stops it then maybe you could give him another chance if you feel you can trust him and so on. But in my personal opinion, a guy who does that in the first place and just cant understand how wrong it is, is not worth holding onto. I personaly dont think he should even have to be told that its wrong, he should just know.
If he doesnt understand what hes done is wrong then i think its time to levae him. No use in sticking by someone who isnt willing to own up to his mistakes.
And remember, you deserve better then someone who is going to cheat on you like he has did, so walking away is a good thing. You aren't geting waht you deserve and need from this relationship.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (27 February 2007):
 You and your boyfriend need to do some serious talking together instead of him playing these silly games with you. Let him know your feelings, tell him how much he's hurting you and ask him to put an end to it once and for all. Let him know you've always remained loyal to him but because of what's happening here you're finding it very difficult to trust him. If he can't respect your feelings and continues to email her to "spite" you then I'd end the relationship. If he's like this after only one year with you, can you imagine what he'd be like in say 5 years time?
He's not taking your feelings into consideration whatsoever. Talk... if he doesn't put a stop to it... walk!
Eve
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