A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been with my partner a year and half. We use to get on really well till October last year his dad went down ill and everything changed between us, we never have sex, he is always strange with me. Then his mum and dad died this year and he took it all out on me. Everytime I ask him to call me or text me he doesn't, I ask him is he seeing anyone else and he says he's not but I don't know if I believe him. He says that he loves me, do you think it's me or is it him.
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male
reader, duce00  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Its both of you in my opinion.
He has some serious emotional trauma going on. Im sure you can understand that. Losing his parents so closely together cant be easy. His grief process is multiplied by 2 and he is no doubt struggling through this very dark time in his life.
As for you: You may be well out of your league in terms of the support he needs. If you disagree with me (and I hope you do), reconsider weither he is recieving your support. You didnt mention anything about that. The comment that stuck out was...
"Then his mum and dad died this year and he took it all out on me"
I cant defend what he did because you never really explained it. I do know that you should expect him to be a bit of a wreck. Grief can really mess with a persons head. What ever he said or did had more to do with him than you and you shouldnt take it personally.
As for him having an affair I am trying to see your grounds for that assumption. Given the emotional trauma he has endured dont you think the more obvious answer is most likely? Maybe Im wrong here but the simple answer is usually correct.
Having done my own time on the grief roller coaster I can tell you that it sucks alot of energy out of you. The last thing I needed was to deal with somebody elses issues. I had plenty of my own thanks.
Maybe the best thing for you to do is to take stock of what level of love and support you can give to him. Thats what he really needs. If you think you cant take on this large of a commitment you might want to reconsider being with him. Sure it will hurt him once again but he will probably be better off than if he has to deal with your insecurities ontop of the death of 2 parents.
If your ready to step up to the plate and support him, try connecting him with some counseling or grief therapy. Do some research. Show him that you are in this with him. If you take this second road it could galvanize your relationship and make it stronger than you ever thought it could be.
Hope the best for you and your BF
Duce
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