A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If my boyfriend broke up with me about 4 years or so LDR, and yes it was your fault, you would love to reconcile with him but your working on yourself so you can be who you are, and maybe one day hell take notice. What do you do when your both online " he had said we could still talk, after the breakup" but clingy isnt good and although friends is a start to rebuilding, i dont want to fall into this category. Do i just say hello every once in a while like once a week or something I dont know if I look bitter this way if i ignore him, do i just wait and see if he will message me, or call me? Do i do the 30 day no contact rule? do i wait for 30 days then fly out? Of course.. im learning to let go of him.. so i can just work on me but in the back of my mind id love to work this out and salvage this. When or if ever do we talk I stay positive and off the breakup? What is the best way to go about this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): Did I read that right..he just broke up with you, recently after a 4 year long distance relationship? And the cause was something that you did? If I read that wrong then correct me, if needed. But based on what I understand here. I will say--you both need time and space to get through this. Believe me, time is your friend here and the hurt of loss, will ease up, for both of you eventually. I would ease back on contacting him and do not book any flights until this man 'tells you very clearly" that he is ready to see you. You cannot rush headlong into his life, when he may not want that. That's being over bearing and disrespectful to his life and what he wants or does not want. Let him contact you. Do not push yourself at him. It seems he is a person you have decided to treasure again, now that you no longer date. And if you are doing that, this is the action of a emotionally needy person. Someone who simply needs his validation so you can view yourself, as worthy. That's unhealthy. No one can give you that...you do that for yourself and you do it before you date someone-anyone. So if you did something to cause him to break up with you, then he's feeling he was not important to you. So therefore, the trust he feels for you just isn't there, anymore. When you do this to most men, they will walk away. Trust and respect mean a lot to to a great guy. You failed him on both counts. So remember, you cannot make anyone reconcile with you if they really aren't making the move to--it usually means they don't want to and may not ever want to. So do you sit and wait and pine away for him? No, you don't. Reach inside, grab your strength and accept what has happened, learn from this and start your own process of recovering and growing and developing yourself from there. It's likely he is in this process, as well. Ease up on contact for awhile, let him have his space. Respect that. Let him heal and when he's ready, he'll get in touch. Spend time with your own family, friends and stay real busy. Your guilty feelings about what you did to him, is consuming you here, and you want to take a 'wrong and make it right' but you can force that on anyone, hun. They have to be willing to accept you back. So slow down, Just relax , take care of yourself, stay positive and maybe this could work, but time is needed. Good luck, hun and I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (29 August 2008):
 if the break up is fresh, i strongly recommend a clean break from him for a couple weeks.
after that, do the whole "he contacts me first, next time it's my turn whenever i have time" bit.
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