A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I apologize if this is long but it wil help u understand, I think neway. He has ben my boyfriend 4 almost 2yrs now. There have been sum issues but it seems 2 b getin worse. Here is sum backgrnd info on him tht mite help. ill try 2make this short. His homelife is very bad. his real dad beat his mom wen he was younger. and his dad cheatd drank etc. and now his step dad does the same thing but hedoes drugs 2. So here is how my boyfriend treats me. this has just startd. he calls me names. he lies alot. and he recently has ben hit me twice. he says he doesnt hit gurls just me. he says i get hit becuz the way i act. he says if im nice n change it wont hapen but it does. he says its all my fault. deep down i have seen the guy he really is. he always says he doesnt want 2 be like his dads. and he wil cry n tel me he is upset about his momnme. he alwayz has 2 check my phone 2. n i duno. ikno it doesnt have 2 b this way. im havin a friend talk 2 him becuz he can get threw 2 him. CAN my bf change? i need advice on this
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): There are two simple responses to your problems. The first is all humans are created equal, he has no right to hit you. I hate to sound to cliche when I say this but there are a ton of other men out there for you. The second problem is your capability to write. Whether you are being hit or not, that does not excuse you from writing in incomplete sentences, and with abbreviated words.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 You need to get out of this relationship, now. NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING justifies a male hitting a female. He's hitting you because he's a scumbag! Furthermore, he's committing a CRIME (assault) and he belongs in jail. What worries me is that your confidence is suffering. Listen to the aunts here, you do not deserve to be abused like this. Whenever your boyfriend tells you that you deserve to be abused, he's lying to you. I am so sorry that you had to suffer like this, but if you get out now, you will be happy you did. You deserve someone decent who will treat you with respect and you can't find that person until you get away from this creep. But, sadly, you can't change people.
Unfortunately, you can't change people, you have to take them as they are, or leave them. He had a terrible home life, and he had no choice about that... but, he's choosing to abuse you. The fact that he had a bad home life is no excuse.
You deserve a better life than this. I know it won't be easy to leave the relationship but I will pray that you find the strength to get out.
You don't have to apologize to us. That's what the aunts are here for, because we LIKE to listen to people and try to offer advice. Look what this guy has done to you... you say you are sorry for writing too much... when you have nothing to feel guilty about. This guy is destroying your self esteem.
You deserve a better life, which awaits you once you leave this creep. He'll get his someday, I hope.
...............................
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (30 August 2008):
You need to get out of this relationship, now. NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING justifies a male hitting a female. He's hitting you because he's a scumbag! Furthermore, he's committing a CRIME (assault) and he belongs in jail. What worries me is that your confidence is suffering. Listen to the aunts here, you do not deserve to be abused like this. Whenever your boyfriend tells you that you deserve to be abused, he's lying to you. I am so sorry that you had to suffer like this, but if you get out now, you will be happy you did. You deserve someone decent who will treat you with respect and you can't find that person until you get away from this creep.
Unfortunately, you can't change people, you have to take them as they are, or leave them. He had a terrible home life, and he had no choice about that... but, he's choosing to abuse you. The fact that he had a bad home life is no excuse.
You deserve a better life than this. I know it won't be easy to leave the relationship but I will pray that you find the strength to get out.
You don't have to apologize to us. That's what the aunts are here for, because we LIKE to listen to people and try to offer advice. Look what this guy has done to you... you say you are sorry for writing too much... when you have nothing to feel guilty about. This guy is destroying your self esteem.
You deserve a better life, which awaits you once you leave this creep. He'll get his someday, I hope.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 Ja sure he might change. In quite a few yrs maybe! My grandad was a rotten husband to my gran. My mum told us when we got older that she used to stand between her mum and her dad to stop him cracking a chair over her mums head. But by the time he became a pensioner he was a great hubby and now theyare both in their 80's, he actually looks after her because she has Altzheimers. People put up with lots back then because thats the way it was!
Do you want this to be you?
My mum is a fantastic mum and has dated some very different men over the yrs after my dad, and only once have I been with a slightly dodgy guy myself that didn't punch me, but did get physical, and my mum said once that has happened, it will only get worse!
Needless to say I didn't let the guy in my house after that, and have since heard from his daughters mum that he was a bully to her. And told everyone after they split that she was a nut case. She has since remarried and is happy. He is still scratching around young girls drinking himself into an early grave putting young chicks before his 11 yr old daughter.
Listen to your instincts and get out of this now.
The reason he is saying you make him do those things is because he wants to knock your confidence into the ground so you dont feel you can do any better! Its a classic, and I hate hearing it happening.
Anyone violent, male or female, doesn't deserve to be close with anyone. They shouldn't be let out in the street alone!
Please think on...
C xxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): No he will never change for anybody, unless he wants to change, and still it will take alot of time for him to change.
...............................
A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (29 August 2008):
 I was in a bad relationship for 3 and a half years, and i can safely say that i doubt your bf will change.. hitting your gf is NEVER acceptable, and the more he feels he can get away with it the worse it will become. I know you obviously like him a lot, becasue otherwise you wouldnt be on this site, and if he is anything like my ex, when he is in a good mood he is one of the nicest people you will ever meet.
However, this behaviour will gradually eat away at your confidence, and you deserve better than to go from one bad relationship to another.
i would give him an ultimatum... that way you are giving him a chance...
say that the next time he hits you, calls you names, checks your phone, or does anything unacceptable or that you feel uncomfortable with, then you will leave.
You need to stick to this as well... and try not to take him back at the end of it...
when you get out of the relationship, you have done the hard bit...
i always six weeks after a break up and you will start to feel better....
You can do this...
maybe you leaving him will be the wake up call he needs to get his life sorted... but that doesnt mean he WILL change... you are just letting him know the rules so that he doesnt do this to someone else. Feel free to email me at any time sweatheart... i have been there too. all the best.
x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, i will keep u updated
...............................
A
female
reader, angel of love  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 I hate to tell you this, but it's going to take a lot for him to change his ways. Seeing from his background he grew up with violence. If his dad was displeased with his mother he'd hit him. So in his mind if you displease him his instinct is to hit you. Growing up in a life like that can seriously damage a child's mind. And remember that it's not your fault. Him hitting you is not your fault. People like that with his kind of past need proffesional help. It's rarely possible for them to change on their own. Him checking your phone is a sign of insecurity. He's not sure that you are being true to him and so he finds the need to check for himself. And just so you know, you can change into anything and he will still hit you if he feels displeased. I hope I helped in some way. Feel free to write to me if you need to talk at all.
...............................
|
