A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to stop loving my ex boyfriend. I don't know how to stop missing him. It seems over the past year, I can only go a few weeks before I run back to him all over again.He's like a drug and I am honestly addicted. I know that's a stupid saying, but I think it honestly applies in the case. When I go back to him, it's like a relaspe and when I'm away.. I go crazy like I need him.. and I know he's bad for me, but it feels so good at the same time.I don't know how to not have him in my life anymore. I got use to the life style. I got comfortable with it and I honestly want to be done for good, but somedays are definetly easier then others. I'm seeking counselling, but she doesn't take the pain away. She just tells me.. I need to move on.. like I haven't heard that a million times before.I've tried everything, being with friends, getting drunk, talking to a counselor, being with a new guy. Nothing seems to work.. this guy is so wrong for me and I cannot hurt myself this way any longer.. and I know time heals everything, but what happens if time is going by to slow.. and I run back before I can make any progress?
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female
reader, doctorlove  +, writes (9 December 2009):
Go to him. Sit him down and have a serious talk with him tell him what he means to you. Don't force yourself to be miserable. That's all anyone ever tells you to do "move on." No don't things will work out for you and him.
A
female
reader, riddlemethis +, writes (9 December 2009):
 I have been in your shoes.
I know what it is like to feel addicted to someone.
You keep going back even though it is not good for you. He may treat you poorly, or you might fight a lot... whatever the issue it never seems to work.
There is a lot of fighting and making up... it is a roller-coaster and the highs are so high and the lows are so low.
but this is no way to live.
I am sure that you are putting so much of your life and the important things and people on the back burner. Including your own happiness. There is nothing anyone can say to make you change your mind. YOU are the only person that will do that.
There are some important things that will help you make the decision to do what is best for you. These things helped me very much.
-Read. Inform yourself of this type of behavior. There ARE books out there written about this sort of behavior. I have read them myself. They are not gospel but will give you insight or ideas into why you may be doing what you are doing.
-Realize.... that ALL people are good and bad. The good side of your man is keeping you there. It is not you being crazy. He has lovable traits that you recognize and it is hard to let those go... but there are things about him/the relationship that are NOT good for you. Recognize this.
-Ask yourself.... what will you do if NOTHING changes. Ever. You are a teenager now. What if it continues like this? What will you do when you are 30 something and you are in the same boat? You cannot live today for what might be tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come.
-Build on yourself. Do things that make you feel better about yourself. Take a course, read a book, do good deeds, start a new activity, exercise. This will make you feel more whole, more confident.... more worthy of PROPER treatment.
-Observe HIS actions. What is he doing? Why does he keep letting you go and then bringing you back? Is he "having his cake and eating it too"? Is he miserable too?
-spend time with your loved ones. I found that spending time with my father and mother helped me a lot. If you aren't close to your parents, what about siblings?
-Are you angry? Anger can be good for motivation. Use your anger!! Do something productive! (and healthy!!)
-Treat it like a real addiction. There WILL be times that you feel an overwhelming urge to go back. It will pass just like the urge for a cigarette. Be strong. Respect yourself. Resist the urge for the hour or so that it lasts. I PROMISE you that one day it will come ..... the day you feel that sense of agony is gone. You will be able to let go and you will feel so much better.
You are a young lady. You have so much opportunity right now to make your life better. Baby steps hun.
...............................
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