A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got married really young at the age of 19 to my first boyfriend.I'm married but deeply inlove with someone else who also happens to have a girlfriend and is expecting his first child. I met this guy about 5 years ago and we have so much incommon. Throughtout the years we kept in touch and we became really close.He wanted me to leave my husband for him,but I chose my husband instead and that was 5 years ago. At the time i really was unsure of my feelings for him, but he was certained with out a doubt that we were destined to be togehter in which i didn't realize at the time. Now it has come to the realization that he is the love of my life and i let him slip away. I have intense deep feelings for him.He is everything I wanted in a guy. I've tried to forget about him but it doesn't work. He is all i think about allday and everyday. I am extremely heartbroken now that he is married and is expecting his first child.
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (11 December 2009):
 I think you might have to accept that he is the one that got away - he is now expecting his first child and all sorts of emotions will be going through his mind with regards to his last ounce of freedom, his life about to change and all these other feelings associated with having a baby. He might want to run away from all of that to a better time and place before all of the commitment, which is natural. Acting on it though, is something else.
You would most probably regret getting involved with this man now, especially because of the baby. You don't want to be a home wrecker, nor would you want to spend the next 18 years with his regrets not being there with his child and your arguments over why you're broke because he's paying 50% of his wage in child support. (I've been there).
You made your decision to be with your husband and this gave him credence to move on with his life, which has now resulted in the imminent arrival of his new baby.
You have to take a step back now and let him have that moment, let him have a chance of that life with his son or daughter and not let yours or his selfish feelings get in the way - a lot of people are going to get hurt if you don't.
If you really really do not want to be with your husband then I think you have to deal with that first and foremost. There is obviously something wrong in the marriage if you are looking to go elsewhere. This isn't fair on your husband if you stay either, so perhaps a separation is due?
Once you've had time to reflect on everything that has happened to you emotionally over the years, you can start with a clean slate. If the other guy really truly doesn't want to be with his partner then he should leave her too, but not to be with you, to be by himself and, as with you, assess his feelings outside of the situation.
Once you both have a chance to breathe you might think differently. The grass isn't always greener and you are mourning for something you never had because you chose to walk away, now you have to let him be where he wants to be and step back from it.
I know it hurts, and it is terribly hard seeing as you had him right there in the palm of your hand, but you made your choice. Now you have to let things go for everyone's sake.
If you are destined to be together, time will tell.
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