A
female
age
41-50,
*edida01
writes:My husbands friend and my best friends husband asked me for advice and help with his marriage to his wife, my best friend. I felt if I helped him I would be helping her. He and I talked by phone about their marriage. I was very close to her and long story short, he moved out, my husband and i set her up with a good friend of ours, she moved him into her house and then he moved out a month later. Her husband started to realize that he really did want to be with her and they were talking alot more about working things out when my sister , who is engaged to my husbands twin brother, and my husband used my ss# and my sister answered my secret questions to access my phone records. It showed that I had been talking to my husbands friend and my best friends husband which didn't look good. It was strictly about his marriage and a friendship formed verbally and that is it. I never went with him anywhere or anything. My goal was to help him like he asked. My husband ended up leaving me and is now living with my best friend. I am so torn apart because I don't know what to do. I have a five year old daughter with my husband and we miss him tremendously. We live on a small hobby farm and he does not come here at all. I would like to know how to show my husband the truth that it was only for my friends benefit that i was talking to him and my husband says if it only went on for a month and I told him then we would still be happily married. So not fair. I know I kept everything from him about talking to his friend but i don't know how to prove my innocence and for my husband, my daughter, and my sake to get him to understand that noone else will love him like we do and this is where he belongs.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 August 2008):
 I fully agree with Samurai Rick on this one. Just stick to the truth, acknowledge that you should have told him what you were doing at the time you were doing it, and give it time. If he is so stubborn and mistrustful about this, then he had more issues than you stated with the marriage. This might have been the straw, if you will. All you can do is present the evidence and explain your actions, then let it go.
If he is this unmoving and unmoveable, maybe you're better off without him. Sorry.
I do hope he comes to his senses.
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (6 August 2008):
 I think this is absolutley silly. Miscomminucation and misunderstanding is what is keeping you apart. Your husband is the guiltier party for not believing you. The only evidence he has is the phone records, which by itself may look bad but if you tell him the truth he should accept it unless he has reason not to believe you. Why wouldnt he believe you? There is something missing here. Maybe you expressed an attraction to the guy in passing a long time ago and he hasnt forgotten.
It did not help that you kept this secret about helping your friends husband with the marriage... And the secretiveness alone looks bad no matter who you were talking to.
This is why I believe so strongly in open comminication between couples. If you are commited to each other and love each other, why do you have to keep secrets? Keeping screts implies hiding things that are bad and inapropriate. He thinks the worst because you hid it from him...if you were more open and told him about these converstations you had he would have been more accepting, and he wouldnt have had reason to even check the phone records.
But what's done is done. All you have to defend you is the truth. Keep telling him the truth, and do not sway from it. How can you convince him he is wrong? I dont think you can...but what you can do is a lot of damage control and keep trying to talk to him. At this point do not talk to the other couple..any contact with them for any reason will just look bad. IF they havent convinced him he is wrong in his assumption then I guess there is no convincing... Only time can heal this.
BE steady and faithful to your husband in spite of his stupidity. Keep the lines of comminication open...call him everyday or see him in person. He may get the message that whether he believes you or not you ONLY want him.
He can't be that stupid and stubborn! He should come to his senses, but stick to this and dont let him go.
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