A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband is fond of looking at other women.And he is also interested in talking for hours with other women.Neither of which he does with me.He is not at all interested in having sex with me .There is no one single time that he had asked for sex in the last 11 years. The truth is I have had sex ,probably 20 times in the past 11years.And all of the times it is me who asked for it. The way our typical every day life goes is, he wakes up, goes to work, comes back in the evening,has his food,plays with the kids,watches tv,then watches some sex channels late night, masturbate and sleep.I tell him every thing that I went through for that day, but he wouldn't say a single thing . But he likes to listen to my stories because it mostly involves women which interests him.I am dying with anger and hurt most of the days. If I ask him about this , he says that he loves me and that is the reason, he buys gifts for me.I feel he is buying me gifts to cover up for the weird relationship that we have and that I don't go for a divorce , which is obviously a financial loss for him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Hi
Time to live your life and have a lover or two. We only live once and you must make the most of it, don't wake up with regrets one morning when you are too old to enjoy life to it's fullest. You can remain friends with your husband and still live your life, you should not have to feel uninteresting, go and start been a little wild. Dress up as you never have before ( not for him but for you!) go on the town, better still book a holiday of a lifetime without him( he would only be interested in the bikini babes anyway and not you). He may well love you and is clouded by taking you for granted, and been complacent. You are a woman and you want to feel like one, have a man touch you again and desire you, go get one. Start to enjoy yourself away from the years of starvation. I don't think he is a bad husband he has maybe just forgotten how to play! but don't waste your self....eleven years is too long and must be damaging to your self esteem. Try to build your self back up and make the best of yourself, you maybe can still keep your marriage but be truthful to him.
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Sex and intimacy are a critical part of any good relationship - and it is no wonder you are feeling so lonely in your marriage.
It sounds like your husband does not really acknowledge the lack of sex a problem, and that he isn't interested in talking with you about issues within the marriage.
This is a difficult situation - and I don;t have much advice other than than to urge you to seek professional support for yourself...having a non biased person to express yourself to, and to talk through various issues may be very helpful...may help you see some ways to move forward??
Do you think hubby would ever see a relationship counsellor with you? It won;t matter if he won't...it would still be beneficial for you to have the support and sounding board. It seems to me you have let things be for a very long time, with your lonliness and resentment growing (and your self esteem shrinking I imagine). But - as it is, you are not in a marriage - the partnership has broken down and maybe now you are ready to address it - whether that be by changing things within the r'ship or by letting it go I don;t know.
Talk with someone - you'll feel so much better and you have nothing to lose!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Your husband is an extremely selfish man, why have you stayed with him this long? Here's something that may ring a bell for you....go to npsupport.net You'll here your story told many times over.
Sorry you are in this painful place in your life. Hugs
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