A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I met in college. A few months into our relationship I graduated and moved. Things were going well in spite of the distance and we'd spend a lot of time on the phone and see each other when we could. Then he started to get jealous of my friends and mad any time I wasn't able to spend a lot of the time on the phone. We started having little fights which would turn into him screaming verbal abuse at me, telling me I was stupid, brainwashed and selfish and calling me names and swearing. Things were fine when we were together, but when we apart it started to get bad. He moved to be closer to me, but every time I had to travel (admittedly my job would sometimes require me to be away for weeks at a time) or he was out of town, the yelling would start. I didn't understand at the time, but it also turns out he was drinking, which had a lot to do with it.Eventually I couldn't take it. I actually started throwing up from being told how horrible I was and started thinking about killing myself, which was kind of a wake-up call. I managed to break it off with him. We still talked a lot after that. He apologized. He stopped drinking, stopped yelling stopped name-calling. We got back together and have been together for about a year now, and with the exception of one lapse, he's been a perfect gentleman.The problem is that I still can't talk to him or stand up to him when we disagree, because I think a part of me is still afraid of what will happen if I say something wrong and also a part of me still believes every bad thing he ever said about me, even though he constantly tells me the opposites now and intellectually, I know most of it's just not true. I'm too afraid to move in with him or move forward in our relationship, but I love him and I'm so proud of how he's managed to turn things around and his strength at fixing this once he realized what it was doing to me. I just don't know how to move past the past. What do I do?
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male
reader, Dreamlover  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 Moving past the past is probably the hardest thing for any one to do!!! The thing you must remember is that if you love him and his changed for you then you owe it to him to give up your fear and trust him. Its hard i know but only once you truly give up to him and trust hime will you truly love him for who he is.its a risk that you must take, just know that you need to be strong enough to walk away if things have not changed.ps: talk to him level with him and hear his side?
A
female
reader, Ms.Helper  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 You have to think positively, that's the key with this one!He's with you, but you can't let him push you around.If I was you I'd tell him how you feel, while he's not angry, hopefully he'll understand.If not, maybe speak to him again?If you find you're wasting your breath it's upto you how you go about it, but don't let him make you feel suicidal!x
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