A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for two months. From the start, she has pursued me quite aggressively -- a fact that I initially found flattering. Unfortunately, as time goes by, I realize that I am simply not in love with her. She, on the other hand, seems to be totally infatuated with me, despite more than one attempt on my part to put breaks on the relationship. I know that, in the long run, I simply won't be able to live up to the superman image she has created for me, and with that in mind I have decided to break up with her.There is a complication, however.A little over a week ago she was involved in a freak accident (not a car crash, thank goodness) that left her with a concussion and impact trauma to her back and ribs. She is in constant pain, and the concussion has affected her personality, causing irritability and depression. On top of this, she is stressed about her job (they've been accommodating so far, but she fears they'll be forced to hire a replacement if she misses too much work) and is facing a legal battle with the party responsible for her injuries. In short, she's extremely vulnerable at the moment, and all I can think about is that I don't want to be her boyfriend any more.Under any other circumstances, I'd know exactly what to do, but this unexpected turn has left me deeply conflicted. I don't dislike the girl, and I certainly don't want to compound her suffering, but neither can I continue a relationship that I know has no future. I don't know how to handle this situation and could really use some advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 Be her friend for now. Visit her occasionally but not every day and only stay a short while, just treat her as a friend. You'll know the right time to tell her as she gets stronger. The reason we have relationships is to see if we are compatible and you and her obviously aren't! That's no ones fault, it's just the way of it.
Don't hit her with a break up right away though as this could set her back. Just be sure when you do go to see her that there are no kisses or sweet talk, just remain friendly. She'll notice you're different and she might even bring up the subject and if she does THEN be honest with her. Don't feel guilty though, she'll be fine.
~Eve~
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): wow! i hope she is ok!!
at the end of the day you've not got the feelings you had hoped you would for her and that isn't a bad thing and you can't really keep living a lie because of her situation i mean you can still be her friend and be there to support her through her rough time but dragging this on for a long period of time is unfair on her still and certainly won't help either of you in the long run
you need to talk to her about this and just make her see what your feeling and just offer your friendship to her i mean sometimes that's better than being in a relationship at least she will know you still care and want to help her and your not set out to hurt her in anyway.
Hope she gets better and i hope you work things out :)
Chin up hun.
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