A
male
age
41-50,
*ridedignity
writes:my wife abuses me pysicologically and every so often phisically, she has had a bad up bringing eg rape, abandonment,irrashional behaviour and thoughts. she has an iq of 138 and uses this against me, she has an alcohol problem also, we have very big blow ups and i try my hardest to stop her from doing this, i know this may seem like a nasty thing to say but if i was to tell you that she is a skitsofrenic with a split personality it would be an under statement. she suffers from anxiety attacks. she always finds some way of saying this is my fault. i wasnt brought up to deal with this sort of stuff, im no good at arguing, i am a 28 yr old lad and i dont like alcohol or football because they creat violence, im a lover not a fighter, and nothing gives me more satisfaction and pride in myself than making other people happy. i feel my only fault in my relationship is that i dont know how to deal with her, she'll push every button and abuse me till i explode and then she'll act like the victim. some people tell me she's just a woman thats what they do but they dont really understand, she does sick and evil things. i tld her i was leaving once and she said if i do she will go to the police and say to them that i have been touching my daughter up, she is full of tricks like this. i could sit here all day and tell u things cause there is so much more to it than this. i am lost, i love her so much but equally hate her, i have to much pride 2 give up it and to much pride to let someone keep hurting me and controlling my life. the easyest way out of this 4 me would be to fall in love with someone else, but i am no cheat, i am a good man :(
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female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 i would run away far away
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 July 2009):
 Basically unless your wife seeks professional help then there is not a lot you can do here. She needs to tackle her alcohol addiction first, and she will need to see a doctor to do this. Then she needs anger management, to deal with her abusive side. If you think she is Schizophrenic or has a split personality disorder (these are 2 very very different psychological conditions so please dont confuse them as the same thing) then she will need a clinical diagnosis from the doctor and she will need medication and therapy.
That is a lot for her to deal with, does she accept she has problems and is she willing to seek help? Her past is no excuse to abuse you, I imagine a lot of her problems will stem from her past so if she can talk about her past with a therapist then that might start to help.
It would be a wonderful thing if you stand by her while she seeks help to deal with her problems, you sound like a good man so I'm sure you will do that if she is willing to seek help. If she doesnt think she has problems and she is not willing to get help then I think it might be best to get some space from her for a while. You have to put your own mental health and wellbeing first now, you cannot continue to live like this and having a break from her might do some good.
Often people with addictions and mental health issues like your wife have to hit something called "rock bottom" before they seek help. It is no good you trying to tell her to get help - she has to want to help herself and she needs to get to that lowest point where she realises this cannot continue. But the hard thing about getting to rock bottom is often these people end up alone, having lost everything and thats when their lowest point comes. But unless she gets to rock bottom then she wont realise she has a problem and wont be willing to get help.
I would seek some advice from citizen's advice (google it and it will come up) about leaving the home you share and taking your daughter with you. It is not safe to leave a child with an alcoholic who is abusive and experiencing anxiety attacks.
So in essence I think you need to have a final chat with her - tell her that you can no longer live like this and unless she seeks help for ALL of her problems then you will leave, and you will take your daughter with you. If she attacks you physically again then you must call the police, even if you dont press charges it needs to go down on record in order to help you get custody of your child. If refuses your help and tells you she doesnt need to see anyone then that is your cue to leave. It will be hard but you and your daughter leaving could just be the best thing that ever happens to her - it could push her to that rock bottom situation and finally make her see that she is pushing away the people that love her the most.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 July 2009):
Abusive relationships are never good.
You have to leave, it doesn't have to be for good but if she is physically violent and an alcoholic then you have to think of your personal safety and that of your child.
Why have you never called the police when she is being violent? You need to get proof of her behaviour, witnesses to your injuries, this kind of thing. Keep a diary with all this in and all the photos, police ref numbers etc.
Get yourself out of there and tell her she needs to get help or you will not come back.
Tell her that if she goes to the police or carries out any of her threats then you will file for divorce and go for full custody. If you have your diary and proof of her behaviour then they are not going to take her seriously. Also, don't forget that your little girl will not testify as she will not be able to give any evidence of sexual abuse if it hasn't happened.
Make your wife see that it is in her interests to get help so you will come back.
Good Luck!! xx
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