A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you all deal with people who like to make a mountain out of their molehill and when they encounter people who have actually overcome a mountain they act uncomfortable or belittle that person's experience? It's so upsetting to have a serious illness/trauma/financial hardship/etc dismissed or belittled only to later hear about something they are going through that's only a fraction of your experience blown out of proportion and an excuse to pity/victimize themselves!! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): We give advice, and we are here because we know pain and share experiences with people. We have empathy and patience, and yes...we're also opinionated! We offer you our wisdom based on our knowledge, education, and experience.
If you want people to listen to your sob-stories and to vent your pain; remember this. We are all human, and most of the things you share with your friends is not unique; or has only happened to you.
If you're sharing/oversharing your pain, and you just want people to shut-up and listen; then ask them to please allow you to speak, and hear you out. Hold-up on their own problems until you're finished. Then work them out together. That is, if their advice and support is what you are seeking.
If you just want to monopolize their ears, time, and sympathy; then don't expect them to sit there while you unload, and not share their pain as well! If they're not impressed, I suppose they have the right to pick and choose what impresses them, and what doesn't. Same as for you!
Some people don't see your problems as bigger than theirs. Some people actually have suffered more; and in a sense, are telling you to chill. Sometimes because you may be making a mountain out of molehill yourself!
If you want to cry on another person's shoulder; they have equal right to cry on yours! They can one-up you on occasion; and if they don't think your accomplishments or victories are a big deal; then you're talking to the wrong person. Maybe you're considering the wrong person a friend.
We all experience similar, if not identical, things throughout a lifetime. Some folks are tougher, and some are weaker. It all depends.
If you can't feel empathy/sympathy toward others; you should keep your problems to yourself. Sometimes people are only trying to show you that what you're complaining about could be worse! They may also belittle your problems; if the only reason you want to talk to them is to unload all your tales of woe and misery. Same goes if you just want to brag about your wins and accomplishments. They might not think your victories are such a big deal; if they've been through a hell of a lot worse!
Sometimes, we just have to be thankful when life and providence is kind to us. If we prevail or triumph over a stronghold; then we should be thankful for such blessings, and owe thanks to God. If you don't believe in God, then just feel happy He's looking out for you anyway! You can always pray and thank God, if you do worship. He's where you go when people let you down. If you don't believe, you'll have to figure it out somehow on your own. We're human too, and we don't have all the answers.
You may not like any of them!
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (20 May 2019):
 Some people are so involved in their own lives that they can't imagine anyone but themselves having problems. They may lack compassion or understanding unless it is related to THEM. Its a ME ME ME world...and you will not be able to make people like that care about you. Surround yourself with family and friends that love you and steer clear of people that can't see past their noses. You'll be much happier. If you have to have any interactions with those sorts I'd keep it as simple as possible and not give them a chance to start the "oh woe is me" game.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2019):
 How do you deal with it?
By not joining in the "who has it worst race" - You might have gone through more stuff, but you are HERE. It made you stronger, you are a victim no longer but a survivor.
If someone TRIES to "belittle" what you have been through, then I would simple not have dealing with that person any more. I would let them do their own little "who has it worse Olympics" all by themselves.
Not everyone can see further than their own nose tip and their own problems. And not everyone will CARE about what you have been through. What ANYONE (besides themselves) have been through.
Focus on you, your loved ones and KEEP moving forward.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 May 2019):
 You deal with it by counting your blessings, such as they are, and by acknowledging that everyone is different, nobody can take on the worries of the world and you are in no position to judge how important their "little" problem is to THEM. It's not a competition!
There will always be people "worse off" than you. That does not mean your "smaller" problems/worries are any less important to YOU. If a mother has no money to feed her children for one day, should she be told how lucky she is because there are people in the world who are starving to death? Will that make HER problem any less real to HER?
I know from experience that people will sometimes try to make light of someone else's hardship if they think it will help take their mind off it and, possibly, put it into perspective. Dwelling on things and making a big deal out of them is seldom productive. While friends should feel empathy (and sometimes sympathy) for you, they should also try to distract you from your problems rather than letting you wallow in self pity. In addition, everyone has their own lives which are full of battles and issues which are important to THEM.
Also, you need to remember that some people just do not have the "empathy" gene! It is your choice whether you keep these people as friends, whether what they contribute to your life outweighs this "failing".
You sound like you have come through a lot (notice I say "come through" not "gone through" - there's a huge difference). This means you have been strong and are a survivor. Hang onto that thought.
...............................
|
